Getting To Know Your Hisboddedus Preparation - 008 Renewal

The Three General Stages of Development

In the last class we discussed, with the help of Hashem, the three basic parts of hisbodedus which are habatah, hakarah and hakshavah. In this month’s class, we will explain these concepts in more depth and try to make them practical.

As we mentioned before, there are two layers to hisbodedus – the external part and the internal part. The external part of hisbodedus is to be in a secluded environment, away from society. The internal part of hisbodedus, however, is to have hisbodedus within us, all the time, even as we are amongst people.

From the time we were born, we have been living a private life. A baby cares entirely for himself, and even as we get older, we tend to be self-absorbed. Each of us goes through this stage of having our own private life.

As a baby matures, he becomes curious, and he looks at everyone around him. Then he begins to recognize his surroundings, such as his parents and his siblings. We put on music for the baby, and then he learns how to listen.

The lesson we can see from a child is that this resembles our first stage in habatah, because the child begins to look around. Then we go through hakarah, because then the child begins to recognize all the people in his life. Then we go through hakshavah – the child begins to listen, respond, and communicate.

In a child, habatah, hakarah and hakshavah are only superficial. We must develop all of these abilities and mature, or else we remain with the childish kinds of habatah, hakarah and hakshavah. Also, a child isn’t aware that he is using these abilities, and it’s only happening by default. So at a certain point, we need to develop an awareness of these three abilities, and it won’t suffice for our development if we remain at this “child” level. We need to nurture these abilities of habatah, hakarah and hakshavah that we were born with.

We need to develop a whole new kind of awareness in life. As a child, we had some da’as (mental abilities), but now we need to become more mature in our da’as. In order to begin hisbodedus, we need to have a “grown up” outlook on life. We need to have atotally new perspective on things in our life.

Our avodah is always a constant cycle of “rotzoh v’shov” – we progress, and then we retreat from progressing, and then once again we repeat the cycle. We need to be connected to our inner world of hisbodedus, but we also need to disconnect from hisbodedus and then we go back to our practical life, and then we repeat the cycle. So we need to be able to connect to our internal world of hisbodedus and then be able to disconnect from it when we have to.

Constantly Acquiring A New Perspective

We must understand the following in order to make hisbodedus practical.

A person has the ability to completely change his perspective on things, every single day. Chazal say that when a person learns Torah, he should view his learning every day as if it’s being given anew from Mount Sinai.

We always need to be able to have new perspectives on things. This will enable us to connect to and disconnect from our inner world (when we must). Hisbodedus helps us disconnect from things that we felt connected to the day before, because it enables us to look at things from a totally new perspective. Each day, we can choose if we will be connected or not to something, and this is really the power behind hisbodedus.

For example, a person goes on a vacation. First we look around at our surroundings (habatah). Then we recognize what’s going on (hakarah). Then we absorb and take it in (hakshavah). These three abilities we have are able to be looked at in a new way as well. We had these abilities as children, but now we can give these abilities a new perspective.

When we go to a new place we’ve never visited, it’s easier to identify with this concept. But how do we go back to the same exact things we see every day and renew our perspective on them? The answer to this, though, is that we each contain depth within depth of ourselves. There are layers upon layer in everything, so we can always gain new perspectives on even the same things we see every day.

 “Hamechadesh b’tuvo b’chol yom tamid, maaseh Beraishis.” Every day, Hashem creates the world anew. Since Hashem is making the world new every day, everything is constantly becoming new.

We think of our husband and our children as the same each day – the same husband and children that we already know from yesterday. However, if we acquire the ability to gain new perspectives, we will be able to look at our husband and children as completely new! We will see a whole “new” husband and a whole “new” child that we didn’t see until now, because we can gain a new perspective. We can disconnect from yesterday’s perception and connect to an entirely new perspective of today.

Each day, think that you are having a new beginning; you are constantly beginning again totally anew. Today is not a continuation of yesterday; it is a new beginning. Whatever you see today doesn’t have to be a continuation of yesterday – everything going on in your life can be seen each day with a totally new perspective.[1]

Using The Ability of Renewed Perspectives: The Concept Behind “Habatah”

Last month, we began to explain the concepts of habatah, hakarah, and hakshavah. We explained that habatah is the ability to see oneself from the outside of one’s self. For example, when a person is reviewing what he did that day he can think about it and improve his actions for the future, by viewing himself as an outside observer who is taking notice of his actions. To work on this concept, habatah, let us use the following three examples.

Method 1: Looking At A Picture [1}

Look at a picture in your house, and try to notice things in it that you haven’t noticed before. Look at it as if it’s the first time you’re looking at it. You can do this as well by looking at the ocean or the stars at night; imagine it’s the very first time you are seeing it. By doing this, you will be able to notice new things you never saw until now in something you’re always used to seeing.

This shows us that each time we look at something, we should approach it as if we’ve never seen it before, and this in turn will show us new perspectives on what we are looking at.

This was just a very simple example that explains the concept. Practically speaking, the exercise we should practice based upon this is as follows: look at the picture for about 2 minutes. Then, close your eyes and think about something totally unrelated, and let your thoughts wander. Now open your eyes for another 2 minutes and look at the picture. Keep doing this, and you will see that you are able to notice new things about the picture each time.

Method 2: Reading A Book

Looking at things anew each day can be applied to our entire life, not just to what we look at. For example, when reading a sefer/book, a person should get used to closing the book and letting his thoughts wander, and then open the book again. Usually when a person is reading a book he enjoys, he can’t put it down, and he reads on and on without being able to detach. But we need to be able to detach, and the example of reading a book is a good way for how we can work on the concept of detaching.

Method 3: Listening To A Shiur Recording

Another example is when we are listening to a recording of a shiur. As you’re listening to a recording, pause the recording and stop to think, letting your thoughts wander. Then after a few minutes, turn the shiur back on.

Acquiring The Art of Detachment

This concept may sound very strange to us the first time we hear about it, but the truth is that it can give a person a whole new perspective on life.

In today’s generation, many people are very stressed out. The inner reason behind this stress going on today is because people are “living” with the emotional stress built up from their entire life. They haven’t learned how to detach from it. They carry the past with them into the future.

But we are able to detach from all that we have gone through in life and then begin anew. The past doesn’t have to affect us now.

We must learn how to detach sometimes. If we lose a friend or a family member whom we loved and were close to, it is difficult to pull away from this great sadness we feel upon the loss. But if we learn how to detach even from the people who we were greatly connected to in our life, we are able to pull away from all the pain that is weighing us down and then begin anew in our life.

The Rav’s Request

It is advised to listen to this month’s class several times since its lessons can give us a new perspective on life which we must learn to acquire.

The only way we can progress is if we advance in our avodah slowly [so we shouldn’t rush between stages].

Questions And Answers With The Rav

Q1: Is “habatah” the same concept as “hishtavus hanefesh” (which is mentioned in another sefer in which a person can learn how to look at himself as if he’s a different person?

ANSWER: Practically speaking it is the same thing, but we are explaining here that the source of this concept is because we must learn how to look at ourselves from a completely new dimension than what we are used to. Also, hishtavus hanefesh is a much deeper point than the point discussed in this class. Hishtavus hanefesh is about nullifying your sense of self. This will be the climax point of what we have described in this class – for now, we are only at the elementary stage, which is to learn how to acquire a new perspective. The lower level – which is what we are addressing – is to be able to put aside our feelings and thoughts, so that we can look at ourselves as an “outsider”. The higher level, hishtavus hanefesh, is to realize that our neshamah is equal to everyone else’s neshamah, and therefore we come to nullify our sense of self.

Q2: In order to disconnect at times from reading a book or listening to a shiur, does this mean that we should think about our inner selves, or we don’t have to do this and we can just think about other things during this time of detachment?

ANSWER: When you detach from what you’re doing, think about your inner world.

Q3: When I try to think of everyone else as constantly “new”, I have a hard time with this; everyone always looks the same!

ANSWER: The thought itself that every day is new and that our surroundings and people in our life are always new – this is certainly commendable, but it’s still only a superficial perspective, and it is not the point of what we have said here. The point of seeing everything as constantly new is so that we can attain an internal calm, and from the perspective of this inner calmness, we can always gain a new perspective on everything we see.

Q4: How can a person detach from his intense emotions, such as if he was in mourning this year over a family member, and other intense times?

ANSWER: If a person can train himself to detach in general, then when he goes through a very intense time, he will be able to detach even from these intense times he goes through. It will not be easy of course, but its difficulty will be greatly lessened. We can’t start to learn how to detach during the actual intense time – we need to develop a lifestyle of detachment already from before these kinds of times, and only through that can we survive the rough times in our life.

Q5: Should we continue last month’s avodah or should we continue now with this month’s avodah?

ANSWER: It is impossible to give a class in which each person can be guided specifically in what he has to do this month. Each person is holding at a different level with working on these concepts.

However, if you feel that you are ready to progress from last month’s avodah (habatah, seeing ourselves from an “outsider” viewpoint) and now start to work on this month’s avodah (acquiring a new perspective on everything, through learning the art of detachment), then you can do so.

Q6: After I have reached the inner silence in myself and I am trying to gain the “new” perspective on things, is this “new” perspective accessed through having a ratzon for it, or through davening to Hashem for it?

ANSWER: We must always daven to Hashem for everything, no matter what. But in addition to davening, we have an avodah we must do. In this month, we have described a part of our avodah, which is to refresh our perspective on things. For example, when you’re missing something in the house and you’re looking all over it, you can retrace your steps to where you started and begin anew in your search, and then you have a whole new perspective that can help you retrieve the item. In the same vein, we need to always begin again anew, constantly refreshing our perspective on what’s going on in our life, as if we have never seen those things before. Gaining the renewed perspective on things gives us new understandings toward everything we are used to seeing.