Getting to Know Your Torah - 01 Connecting to Your Learning

Reasons to Connect to the Torah

We will discuss here, with the help of Hashem, what the Torah is about – how a person can connect himself to what the Torah is.

There are many forms of connection to Torah. We will mention some of them.

1)     Torah – Revelation of the Intellect

Some people connect to the Torah because it is the revelation of the intellect; it is called the wisdom of Hashem, and people have a desire for knowledge, so people want to connect to the Torah out of a desire for knowledge.

2)     Torah Is The Light

Another reason why a person wants to connect to the Torah is because the Torah is called “ohr” – it is a spiritual “light”. A person’s body is dark from its materialism, but the “light” of the Torah can illuminate the darkness of one’s body, and one has a desire for this “light”.

3)     Torah Is The Song of Creation

 Another reason why a person feels the need to connect to the Torah is because the Torah is called a “shirah” – a “song”. People have an inner longing for this great, “deep” song - and they find it in the Torah.

4)     Connecting To Perfection

 Another reason of connection to the Torah is because the soul of a person desires perfection, and the Torah gives a person shleimus (perfection), and people have a desire for this shleimus. We are naturally lacking, but our soul desires perfection, and it connects to perfection by connecting to Torah, which is perfect. The connection to Torah here fills the soul’s need for perfection.

5)     Purity

Another reason why people want to connect to the Torah is because the Torah is also the epitome of temimus (purity), for it is called Toras Hashem Temimah, (“The Torah of Hashem is wholesome”), and people want this wholesome purity. (So either people want to connect to Torah because it is an intellectual accomplishment, or because they want to go above the intellect, which is the point of temimus.)

6)     The Torah Is Where My Essence Is Found

People also feel a need to connect to Torah because Torah is the havayah (essence) of Creation. The Torah is the essence of Creation, like we find that “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world.” The Torah is the essence of our own existence, and people want to feel connected to this existence, because it is the essence of life itself.

As long as a person hasn’t gotten to his own havayah\essence[1], by default he will want the Torah to give him chiyus, vitality. But when one reveals his havayah - which is above his chiyus – he will connect to Torah because he recognizes that the Torah is his very havayah. On a deeper level, a person wants the Torah because it is a Torah Chaim, a Torah of life.

7)     Because It’s A Mitzvah

 Another reason why a person wants to connect himself to Torah is because he knows that he is commanded to. This is used on a deep level by a person who wants the Torah because of his temimus, but when this desire is simply because one knows that he is commanded to learn Torah, this is superficial. He learns “only to do” – such learning is like how a woman learns Torah, who only learns Torah for practical outcomes.

(Although one must learn Torah in order to know how to act (“lilmod al menas laasos”), this should not be the main reason that connects a person to Torah. Later this will be explained. Learning in order to do can help a person get started, but a person should not remain at that level).

We must also discuss what the desire is to know the Torah, but here, we will focus the discussion on why a person learns Torah. These are two separate matters: desiring to know Torah, and the personal reason that motivates one to learn Torah. The Shulchan Aruch HaRav writes that the mitzvah to learn Torah includes two factors: to know the Torah, and to exert oneself in the Torah; so these are clearly two separate factors.[2]

Knowledge of Torah vs. Connection to the Torah

Understandably, there are more details involved in learning Torah, but here the focus of the discussion will be, on how a person connects himself to learning the Torah [how he personally relates to his Torah learning].

Each person, with Heavenly assistance, learns Torah, as much as his ability allows him to, as much as he can handle physically and mentally. What we need to clarify is, though: “What exactly is the reason that is motivating me to learn the Torah?”

For example, if a person has 10 extra minutes a day to learn, what does he learn then? What he learns then is an indicator of why he learns.

Here are some examples. Some people learn Torah because they want knowledge. Others learn Torah because it’s their source of chiyus (vitality). Others learn Torah because it’s the month Elul and he hears that he has to improve, therefore he has to learn Torah in order to know what to do, (“lilmod al menas laasos”). Whatever the reason is, why he learns will affect what he learns.

We all have free will to decide to learn Torah or not; we are not speaking about that. We are focusing on the following point: After one makes the decision to learn Torah, now he decides what in the Torah he will learn. How do we decide what to learn in the Torah? It’s a question what we all decide, each day. How do we come to that decision each day? (Do we learn in Kolel solely because we need parnassah…?)[3]

Anyone who keeps Torah and mitzvos has chosen to learn Torah and follow the Torah. But the question is, after that, why indeed do we learn Torah? It is a deep question we all need to ask ourselves.

Every day we are really deciding why we learn Torah, but we must become consciously aware of why we are learning Torah, every day. It’s not like other decisions you make. It’s a decision about your entire essence of your soul, because Torah is the essence of our existence. Therefore, we must become very aware of what is connecting us personally to the Torah.

The Inner Clarification: Two Steps

To explain why this is necessary, there are are many layers in our soul, and in addition, there are different kinds of souls as well; therefore, being that the soul is multi-layered, there can be all sorts of motivations that are connecting us. We need to become aware of which parts of our soul we are using in order to connect to the Torah, so that we can have proper self-awareness towards our Torah learning.

The first thing we must clarify is – “To which layer in my soul am I going towards when I learn Torah?” Another step in this clarification process is, “What are the soul layers that exist in me?”

There are many layers to the soul, therefore, there can be all kinds of reasons why a person wishes to connect to Torah; there is never any one reason why a person wants to connect to the Torah. It is always a multi-layered motivation. Some of the motivations are revealed to our conscious state, and some are hidden from our consciousness. We must become aware of what is revealed to our conscious awareness and what is still hidden from us.

If a person first decides what he will learn in the Torah, before he clarifies the motivation of his learning, then his decision to learn Torah comes from a lack of awareness. He might be emotionally drawn towards learning Torah, but he will not be consciously aware of why he wants to learn.

So the first step of the clarification process is to become aware of the personal motivation towards your learning. The next step, after becoming aware of what your motivations are, is, to be aware throughout the day that it is that motivation which is connecting you to learning the Torah.

For example, a person comes to Daf HaYomi every day. What is causing him every day to keep coming back? A superficial response is, “It’s very motivating, it helps me stay stable.” Or, “It’s very enjoyable, intellectually stimulating.” Whatever the reason is, the question is: Is a person consciously aware of that motivation?

Everyone comes to learn Torah depending on some personal reason.  But each person must know what his primary reason to learn is, what his second most important reason is, and so forth. The next step is to become consciously aware of that motivation that is connecting you to your learning.

If a person doesn’t make this clarification, he might be able to learn Torah every day, but it is very possible that he is not actually connected to it. He might finish all of Shas and make siyumim (celebration upon finishing a tractate of Gemara), but he still might not be really connected to the Torah he’s learning! Of course, it’s better than not learning at all.

Once you become aware of the personal reason that is motivating you to learn, you need to become aware throughout the day that is what connects you to learning. Without this awareness, even if one learns Torah every day. and even if he finds his unique role in learning [which will be discussed in Chapter Five], his connection to Torah will be very weak.

The more a person is clearly aware of what motivates him to learn Torah (and this is not accomplished through thinking about it once in your life), the more he is connected to the Torah.

The Problem of Inward Disconnection from Learning

This is the true and inner reason why most people that are learning Torah aren’t deeply connected to the Torah. Most of the time, the first part of the clarification process is missing, and even if a person did clarify it, he is often missing conscious awareness of it throughout the day.

It is written, “How much I love your Torah, all day it is my conversation.” How can a person speak about Torah all day? Can a person speak about something all day that he doesn’t feel connected to? Perhaps a person will respond to this that this is precisely what it means to have exertion in Torah. But this is incorrect. Only an angel can be involved all day with something that’s not enjoyable. Our soul cannot do something all day that it doesn’t feel connected to do.

The mitzvah to learn Torah is to learn even when we don’t have energy, but we can’t do this all day. There are times we need to force ourselves to learn Torah, but for the most part, we need to learn Torah out of feeling connected to it.

 The Beginning Stage of Learning: Awareness To Your Connection

When a person begins to learn Torah, he cannot clearly know which part of Torah he needs to learn. Our havayah (essence) is initially hidden from us, and it is there that our true connection to Torah is found, so we start out not knowing which part of Torah is meant for us to be focused in.

That inner place in the soul is the place of “Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one.” It is in the depths of the soul, and it is not in the outer layers of the soul. In order to get to a deep connection with the Torah, one has to get to this recognition of “Hashem and the Torah are one” in himself. But in the beginning of one’s way, a person isn’t at this level of feeling how the Torah is his essence; there are only some tzaddikim access this understanding at the beginning of their learning.

However, in spite of this, at the current level your soul is at, you are still somewhat connected to the Torah. There is no Jew who isn’t a little connected to the Torah; there is always some reason connecting each soul to the Torah. You must become aware of that reason that is connecting you, even if it isn’t the loftiest reason, because the first step in connecting to Torah is to at least be aware of what is actually motivating you to learn Torah.

At the beginning stage of learning, we must know, that our awareness of why we learn Torah is limited to the level we are currently at; the connection you feel with the Torah is being experienced through the current level that you are at. One must live and experience his personal connection to the Torah, therefore, he must become aware of it.

The inner aspect of our connection to Torah learning, which comes from our havayah, is the essence of our soul, and this is always one havayah, for it is the collective soul of the Jewish people. But there are outer layers of our soul, and these outer layers of our soul are the private aspect that each person accesses individually. In those outer layers of the soul, each Torah scholar experiences different connections to Torah; this is the deeper meaning of “Torah scholars have no menuchah (serenity).”

Thus, one must always be aware of why he loves to learn Torah all day. Without this awareness, a person might learn Torah all day, yet he can still be very far from reaching his special role in learning the Torah.

The General Connection To Torah, and the Individual Connection To Torah

There is the general part that we have in learning the Torah, and there is also each person’s private revelation of Torah.

There is knowledge of the Torah, and there is connection to Torah. The knowledge of the Torah’s information is the general Torah, which is the same knowledge for each person, while connection to the Torah is personal, because each person has different reasons that connect him to the Torah.

Connection to Torah is really built on the knowledge of Torah, which is the kli\container that will hold the connection. The rule in Creation is that in order for any spiritual light (ohr) to be contained, it needs a kli to hold it and maintain it. One’s personal connection to Torah is a great ohr, but it needs to be contained in a kli in order for it to be maintained. The kli that holds one’s connection to Torah is the knowledge of the Torah which a person needs to amass.

There are people who think that one’s person connection to Torah should be the entire focus, and that knowledge about the Torah isn’t so important. But everything in Creation needs both ohr and kli. The kli we need is the knowledge of the Torah, while the personal connection one has to Torah is the ohr.

Thus, a person needs to amass knowledge of the Torah, and this is the same experience for each person, for it is the same knowledge to each person. Of course, some people know more Torah and some know less Torah, but there is nothing unique about how much we each need to learn Torah. We all need to know the Torah as much as we can – even parts of Torah that we don’t feel inclined to.

Some people don’t like to learn Gemara, so they skip it, chas v’shalom. Some people don’t enjoy Halacha so they don’t learn it. These people are acting incorrectly. Knowledge of Torah is necessary whether we feel connected to the Torah or not; it is not a personal thing. This is the outer aspect of our learning, and it is necessary. It includes learning all of Mishnayos and Gemara (and some learn even more than this), and if you can learn more than that, even better. But if one doesn’t have knowledge of Torah, he will be an ignoramus. There cannot be ohr without a kli.

Thus, the knowledge of Torah is the basis that we need to hold onto our connection to the Torah.

We are emphasizing this point, because there are many mistakes when it comes to this matter. There are people who think that they don’t need to learn any of Torah except for the part that they feel inclined to. This is a very mistaken approach. We all need to amass knowledge of all areas of Torah, a wide amount of it. We first need strong knowledge of Torah, and then our connection to Torah can take on meaning. Without amassing knowledge of Torah, our connection to Torah will be fleeting.

So knowledge of the Torah cannot be skipped. The amount of exertion one has in learning depends on each person’s abilities, but the knowledge of Torah, all of it, must be learned by every person, in any situation. First a person needs the hekef (general knowledge) in Torah – its information - and then his chibbur (connection) to Torah will take on meaning.

The container that we need to hold onto our connection to the Torah is the hekef\general knowledgein Torah, and this is necessary for each soul, whether we feel a need for it or not.

But when it comes to the ohr of Torah, in is this area, our personal emotions do play a role, for it is the ohr of Torah in which one personally connects himself to, based on his unique abilities.

Exertion and Enjoyment In Learning

The secret of the entire concept of yegias HaTorah, exertion in learning Torah, is to build yourself into a kli that holds your Torah learning; exertion in learning Torah is not about finding the ohr of Torah.

The Torah is ohr, and therefore it is taanug (enjoyment), but you can’t build yourself into a kli\container through taanug; your kli is only built through yegiah\exertion. Exertion in learning is therefore required because we need a kli first that will hold our ohr\taanug.

So there are two parts in learning Torah: kli\yegiah (container\exertion), and ohr\taanug\chibbur (light\enjoyment\connection), and as we have explained, the ohr needs a kli to go into and be maintained, therefore, we need yegiah\exertionin Torah in order to hold onto our chibbur\connection to the Torah.

Chazal say that a person cannot learn Torah except where his heart desires. This is concerning the ohr of Torah. But there is also a contradicting concept: we need to have exertion in Torah. This concerns the kli of Torah, to get the hekef, to amass knowledge, of the Torah.

(Understandably, you also need to have some taanug in the kli, and you also need yegiah in order to have ohr as well. But the root of the matter is: Chibbur\taanug is the ohr, and yegiah is the kli).

So our soul connects to Torah through these two faculties: taanug\desire and yegiah\ exertion. The inner aspect of the connection we form towards our Torah learning is through our taanug in Torah, and the outer aspect of the connection to our Torah learning is to have yegiah in Torah.

The beginning of this chapter was addressing the inner aspect of the connection, not the outer aspect of the connection. It is our inner connection to Torah must be clarified and revealed to our consciousness.

Practically Applying This Concept

The Gemara says that at first, one’s Torah learning is called Toras Hashem, and after exertion, it is called Toraso, “his” Torah. Without ameilus (toil) in Torah, one’s learning does not become “Toraso”, because there is no kli. Yet, if there is just ameilus in one’s learning and no taanug, it is also not Toraso. Both factors are necessary.

Thus, one must clarify not just how much he knows in Torah, but how he is connected to it.

This is the question one must ask himself from time to time: “Is my connection to Torah getting stronger, or not? Do I feel more strongly connected to my learning than a while ago?”

Compare this to two friends - as time goes on, the connection gets stronger, the more they get to know each other. So too, in our Torah learning, the connection one feels to it has to get stronger as time goes on. If a person doesn’t feel his connection to Torah getting stronger, it shows that he is not learning Torah in the right way, and something in his learning needs to be fixed.

This is a constant process, because a person’s connection to the Torah changes as his soul develops and matures. A person’s soul level actually changes the more and more that a person learns Torah with a longing to connect to it! When this increases, a person is able to start feeling a certain vitality from his connection to the Torah, and he begins to feel changes in his learning; the Torah will begin to have a calming effect on him when he learns.

When one reveals this within himself, the connection to his learning becomes a palpable connection, and it becomes a constant revelation of what is written, “How I love Your Torah, all day it is my conversation.”

Thus, the ohr (spiritual light) of Torah, which is essentially how much you feel connected to your learning, is something that must be clarified to you, so that you can reveal it to your consciousness, so that your feeling of connection to the Torah can become deepened. But as for the kli (container) that holds your Torah learning – your exertion in Torah in order to acquire the knowledge about it - you need it whether you feel connected to Torah or not.

When you have both the ohr and the kli together, you will have the basis of connecting yourself to the Torah.