Woman's World - 012 Women and Prayer

Tefillah Is Based On Our Emunah

In these shiurim, we will try to explain what tefillah (prayer) is, in a way that applies especially to women.

What is Tefillah (prayer)?

When a person is missing something, he davens for it. A person believes in Hashem and that He can give us what we are missing, and thus a person davens to Him. So our Tefillah is really based on our Emunah.

Emunah is that I believe that there is a Creator, and that He hears me and that He can give to me what I need, and that He wants to give it to me.

If a person doesn’t have total Emunah when he davens, his Tefillah is lacking as well. Although we all believe, it is not enough. We also have to live what we believe. Our whole davening is based on how much we believe in Hashem; we have to life a life of palpable faith in the Creator, and on that, our tefillah is based. So without the base – Emunah – our tefillah will stand on nothing.

Service of the Heart

There is an even more inner depth to our Tefillah: it is what is on our heart; it is written, “L’adam maarchei lev.” Chazal say that Tefillah is “service of the heart”. We daven with our heart; our mouths is what brings out what is in our heart, but it is our heart which davens.

Chazal also call Tefillah with the title “kolmos halev”, ink of the heart. We daven from what is on our heart. Davening doesn’t begin from our mouth – it begins from our heart. Our mouth reveals what is in our heart, but our actual Tefillah comes from our heart.

The main part of Tefillah has to do with our heart. The role of our mouth is only secondary to the primary role of our tefillah, which is our heart.

We must also verbalize to Hashem what is on our hearts, and if we don’t, we are missing a major part in our tefillah. But still, the main part of Tefillah is our heart.

If a person has many things he needs to daven for, and he makes a list of these things and then pulls out the list at the end of Shemoneh Esrei – but he’s waiting the whole time to get to the end so he can pull out the list already – he misses the whole point. His mouth is there, but his heart is missing. He’s only focused on his requests.

Tefillah is mainly about our hearts. Our mouth also serves an important function in Tefillah, but the main thing we must know is that Tefillah is mainly about the heart.

We will try to understand what the role of our heart is in Tefillah.

Tefillah Puts Our Wants In Order

Tefillah is maarechi lev – it is to “lengthen” what is on our heart, to give an order of what’s going on in our heart, both to ourselves and to Hashem. It is about bringing out what we want. We need to first know what is on our heart before we request anything from Hashem. If we don’t know what we really want, how are we supposed to ask for it?

There is a structure to Tefillah; our davening is not just a bunch of random requests. There is a certain order to it, and we must know what it is. It is an order that is in our heart – maarchei lev. If our heart isn’t organized, we cannot properly daven from our heart.

Our Tefillah comes and straightens out the things we want in our heart. Without an organized heart, a person can’t talk or think in an organized way. This is really why most people can’t concentrate properly during davening – because their hearts are full of scattered desires which have no order to them.

Tefillah is really to build up yourself and what’s going on in your heart – and from that to come to talk to Hashem. Tefillah is not all about turning to Hashem in prayer; it is to build your soul, and from building your soul you can properly come to really talk to Hashem. The way you build your soul is as we are saying: to arrange your desires and clarify what you really want.

The root of all problems in Tefillah is because people don’t build themselves up properly and therefore don’t give an order to their wants and desires.

So we have to know what we want. Make an order of what you want, in order of what you want most, all the way down to what you want least. Then ask yourself: This order that I’ve written down – am I davening to Hashem in order of what I’ve written down?

Let us repeat again: Tefillah is not just about turning to Hashem. It is about building up your true self, (which is at first hidden from us, and we need to get to know ourselves in order to find it), and from that self-recognition to turn to Hashem in prayer.

All of this is simple to anyone who thinks about it, and difficult for anyone to understand who doesn’t think about it.

Two Kinds Of Desires We Have

There are things which we want and things which we really want. We must know which of or desires are coming from our innermost desires and which aren’t. The things we really want are coming from our deepest desires.

There are desires which we really want but they change with time, and then there are desires which are deeper than that. For example, a person who is davening to find a wife really wants this and davens for it on Yom Kippur, but what happens after he gets married? This great desire is no longer, and now he has another great desire: to have children. What happens after he has children? He davens for parnassah. These are all desires which change – they are not our deepest desires.

There are desires which are even deeper than this. These are desires which come from our actual essence – and they never change. They are our deepest desires.

Our deepest desires are not what I think I need, but what I really need. A person thinks he needs a shidduch (a spouse), parnassah (livelihood) or health and might consider these things to be what he truly wants, but these things are not our deep desires. They are all superficial desires. Our deep desires are desires that come from our very essence, from our actual soul.

It can take years until we build up our self!

The point of Tefillah is not our requests from Hashem. The point of Tefillah is to form a connection to Hashem through our heart; the way we get in touch with our heart is through our requests to Hashem and knowing what we really want, but the point of is the heart.

Most people are in fact not in touch with their hearts. This is why there are some days that people have kavanah (concentration) and other days which they don’t – it is because they haven’t gotten in touch with their hearts yet. Why aren’t people in touch with their own heart?

It is because of all our desires. Desire, ratzon, is from the word ratz, to run. When a person has desires, he “runs” out of himself! All our desires and wants hold us back from reaching our own heart.

“My son, give your heart to me.” Not only should we give up our desires for Hashem, but we should give our very heart to Hashem.

Tefillah is not lip service. Nor is it even about our heart! It is about purifying our heart. It is to connect to our heart.

Let’s say a person has a hard time concentrating on davening. How can he come to improve in his concentrate? If he works on his heart, he concentrates on his heart – and he can concentrate on his davening.

When a person has this concentration – to be in touch with what’s on his heart – he enjoys davening much more, and the enjoyment he will have in his davening will affect his concentration. You don’t lose concentration from something you’re enjoying; when you enjoy Tefillah – when you know what your heart wants – you will be able to properly have kavanah.