Tefillah - 158 Deeper Compassion and Kindness

Hashem’s Compassion and Kindness

הטוב כי לא כלו רחמיך, והמרחם כי לא תמו חסדיך – “The Good One, for Your compassion does not cease; and the Compassionate One, for Your kindness does not finish.”

Chazal state that there are three root attributes with which Hashem runs the world: middas hachessed (the attribute of kindness), the middas hadin (the attribute of justice), and middas harachamim (the attribute of compassion).

Each of our three Avos exemplified one of these traits. Avraham Avinu personified middas hachessed (kindness), Yitzchok Avinu personified middas hadin (restraint), and Yaakov Avinu represents middas harachamim (compassion).

“Hashem Wanted To Bestow Good Upon His Creations”

There are many reasons given for the purpose of Creation; here we will base the discussion on the particular view of our Sages, which states that the purpose of Creation was because “Hashem wanted to bestow His goodness upon His creations”.

The truth is that we really cannot comprehend why Hashem wanted Creation, for we do not know Hashem’s thoughts. There is no comprehension of Him. But in the works of our Sages, several “rational” explanations are brought, which were given to satisfy the need for understanding [but beyond these answers, there is much more that we will never know].

The logical explanation brought, for why Hashem made Creation, is: “Hashem wanted to bestow good upon His Creation”. This implies His middas hachessed (attribute of kindness): Hashem’s desire to create the world stemmed from His middas hachessed.

The Role of ‘Middas Harachamim’ In Creation

Which trait did Hashem use to create the world? Chazal say that at first, Hashem wanted to create the world with middas hadin (the attribute of judgment). Although the reason He created the world was to bestow His good upon the world, the way that Hashem wanted to actually run the world was through the middas hadin. As Chazal say, Hashem is very exacting with tzaddikim; the higher of a level a person becomes, the more Hashem relates to him with middas hadin.

But Hashem saw that the world will not last through middas hadin, so He “included in it the middas harachamim (the attribute of compassion).” The middas hadin demands justice; it punishes and destroys. The middas harachamim comes and pleads for mercy upon Creation, even after it acts evil, and thereby enables the survival of Creation.

So the reason Hashem created the world was from His middas hachessed. The planned design of Creation was to use middas hadin, but in the end, the world was created through the involvement of middas harachamim. Thus, all of these three aspects together were used by Hashem to create the world.

The middas hachessed, by itself, would have been enough, but Hashem wanted to run the world through middas hadin; and middas hadin alone cannot allow the world to survive, so there is middas harachamim to balance it out. Thus, Hashem uses the middas harachamim to work together with His middas hachessed, in running the world.

The Relationship Between Chessed, Din, and Rachamim

This is the depth of the words, הטוב, כי לא כלו רחמיך. Forit is the middas harachamim of Hashem which allows the middas hachessed to take hold.

And what is the meaning of the words והמרחם, כי לא תמו חסדיך? It is because if there would be only middas harachamim and no middas hachessed, then perhaps the middas harachamim would require the world to cease, so that Hashem shouldn’t punish His creations. The middas harachamim would demand that creation be “put out of its misery” and be destroyed, rather than continue to exist and endure suffering. For this reason, we need the middas hachessed – which causes Hashem to want the creation’s existence, so that He will be allowed to continue bestowing His good.

Thus, we have seen how the middas hachessed and middas harachamim each have specific roles to sustain Creation.Chessed is the reason that Hashem made the world; din is the reason for Hashem to destroy the world. Chessed demands rachamim, so that rachamim can cancel out din and enable Creation to continue.

If rachamim would stand by itself, it would either enable the continuous existence of Creation, or, it would demand that Creation be destroyed rather than endure suffering and punishment. But the combination of chessed and rachamim makes it possible for Creation to be allowed to exist, as well as avoid the total repercussions of din.

This is a brief description of how [Hashem uses the] three forces of middas hachessed, middas hadin, and middas harachamim to work together in Creation.

Cleaving To The Middos of Hashem

In terms of our personal avodah, each of our Avos embodied one of these traits, and Chazal state that one must aspire to become like the Avos: “When will my actions touch upon those of my forefathers?” It is said that although we cannot become as perfected as the Avos, we can certainly “touch” upon their level. On our own level, we can ‘touch’ upon the level of the chessed of Avraham Avinu, the din\gevurah of Yitzchak Avinu, and the rachamim of Yaakov Avinu.

We have a mitzvah to cleave to Hashem’s ways, which is interpreted by our Chazal to “cleave to His middos”: Just as He is merciful, so must we act merciful. There is a question that is raised on this statement: It seems that we must only connect ourselves to the middas harachamim of Hashem. What about connecting to the middas hadin of Hashem? Why aren’t we commanded to resemble His middas hadin?

Utilizing ‘Middos HaDin’ – The Attribute of Judgment

The truth is that there is an indeed an avodah for us to resemble the middas hadin of Hashem. To be brief, middas hadin is identified with the power of ‘gevul’ – to place limits. When we have proper limits, we utilize the aspect of middas hadin.

Additionally, there is a concept that Hashem withholds some of His chessed, so that we won’t get too much and come to sin with all that He is giving with us. Therefore, there is middas hadin (limitations) even with the middas hachessed. We also have such an avodah: when we give something, we are bestowing upon another, but it is limited to how much the person can receive.

There is also another way how we utilize the middas hadin: with oneself. A person needs to be careful with keeping Halacha, and exercise yirah (awe\restraint).  Dikduk hadin (being careful in keeping Halacha) is a use of middas hadin. Above that level is the level of ‘maaseh chassidus’ – piety, but the basic level of adherence to the Torah begins with using middas hadin.

This is true with regards towards oneself. Towards others, there is also a proper way to use middas hadin. The Mishnah in Avos states that one should say, “What is mine is yours, and what is yours is yours”, and the Mishnah refers to this as middas hadin. There is basic level of consideration which one must have towards others, and this is how the “middas hadin” is used properly towards others.

Even more so, Chazal state that one should judge himself and scrutinize himself, but towards others, one must judge others favorably. A person is naturally inclined to judge others unfavorably, but the desired avodah is for one not to judge others at all. If one inevitably is placed into a situation in which he needs to judge another – if his friend looks guilty for a wrongdoing – he has to ‘judge’ him favorably. The mitzvah to judge others favorably is an example of the middas hadin. The middas hadin says to consider others.

Just as Hashem uses the middas hadin to be a Judge and He judges the other person favorably, so must we must judge others properly and favorably, even when we have to be a judge. (An exception to this rule is when a Dayan (judge) as he is sitting on the Beis Din; he must exercise only din).

Interpersonal Relationships: Mainly “Chessed” and “Rachamim”

These are general examples of how we are meant to meant use the middas hadin properly towards others. But our main relationship towards others is not through middas hadin. In our interpersonal relationships, we are mainly meant to use middas hachessed and middas harachamim.

Sometimes we have to use middas hadin towards others and ‘judge’ others favorably, as we explained above; but the main aspect in our relationships toward others is in using middas hachessed and middas harachamim. We don’t connect to others through middas hadin; we connect to others mainly through middas hachessed as well as middas harachamim.

A Question

This concept needs clarification, though. Are we mainly supposed to use middas hachessed towards others, or are we mainly supposed to use middas harachamim?

Clearly, middas hadin should not be our main relationship towards others. It needs to be used sparingly in proportion to how much we should use middas hachessed and middas harachamim to others. [So which is more important when we relate to others – chessed, or rachamim?]

Reflecting On “Rachamim”

Chessed is the trait to bestow good upon others. The Nefesh HaChaim[1] writes that “This is the entire man: he was not created [for himself] except to help others.” This is how we connect to the middas hachessed of Hashem, Who created this world in order to bestow good upon His creations. Hashem wants to bestow good upon us, and He does so constantly, and so do we have an avodah to always do chessed for others.

But there is also the aspect of rachamim (compassion) which we must use. It seems that chessed can be utilized towards everyone: towards the wealthy, the poor, the alive, the dead, the joyous and the sad; whereas rachamim, it seems, can only be utilized towards those who are suffering. If so, it seems that chessed is much more in use than rachamim.

However, this is only how it appears, when we have a superficial view of rachamim. Rachamim is not just about feeling bad for someone who is deficient, or poor, or sick, or blind, or someone who didn’t find his shidduch yet, etc.

There are all kinds of problems that people have which make us feel compassionate towards them. When you think about all the many problems that people have in Creation, you can realize how much rachamim is needed. It is overwhelming. Thinking about this helps a person realize how much middas harachamim is needed.

When a person only lives with katnus mochin (an immature outlook), besides for the fact that he doesn’t even feel basic rachamim (such as towards children who are orphaned), he never awakens his rachamim. But when a person becomes even a bit sensitive towards others, he begins to realize that there is much pain and suffering in Creation.

There is so much pain in Creation that it is overwhelming. How much suffering do all people have on this world?  And what about the animals? Even plants suffer; we can see many plants that wither and die. On a deep note, even non-living organisms suffer.

When it comes to human suffering, and especially when we think about the suffering of Klal Yisrael (who suffer from exile), we slowly get a picture of how much suffering is taking place in Creation. However, in comparison to the amount of middas hachessed in Creation, it pales, because Creation is constantly being sustained.

The Depth of “Rachamim”

Additionally, upon subtle reflection, rachamim is not just about compassion towards those who suffer. The depth of rachamim is to feel bad about the entire situation of this world, which lives in deep concealment, being that the reality of G-d is not revealed in the lives of many people. That is the biggest pity of all.

Even those who have a revelation of G-dliness in their life are still missing much of the revelation; each to a different degree. There is no one in the world who entirely feels the existence of G-d in his life as a palpable reality, and this is something that can truly awaken our compassion towards Creation.

Feeling sorry for others on this world when they suffer is thus only a ‘branch’ of using rachamim towards others; it is not yet the root. You can get yourself to feel sorry for anyone on this world, if you would know what any person goes through on this world. However, this concept does not obligate one to feel compassion towards others’ suffering all 24 hours of the day.

In our conscious state, we can learn how to acquire an inner lens towards Creation, and instead of focusing on the personal pain that each person has, we can see the deeper pain that all of Creation has: people don’t feel the reality of G-d in their life. Indeed, the reality of G-d is very hidden, as the Ramchal writes. Thinking about this can awaken our rachamim towards Creation on an all-inclusive level.

“Chessed” Vs. “Rachamim”

Now that we have explained that rachamim encompasses the world, just as much as chessed encompasses the world, we return to our original question. How should we mainly relate to others – through chessed, or through rachamim?

One who doesn’t work on himself internally will never think of this question, and he is simply aware that we need to do chessed and that we need to have rachamim. But when a person is in touch with his inner world, he wonders about this. Which trait should we mainly exercise towards others – chessed, or rachamim?

Upon a deep understanding, there is a difference between chessed and rachamim. When we do chessed for another person, it is not because the other is missing something. Rather, we are giving him something, whether he needs it or not, so that we can simply bestow good on him. Rachamim, though, is to fill another’s need. Another person might be lacking physically, emotionally or spiritually. If we help him with those needs, this is rachamim, not chessed. If a person doesn’t need us, we cannot exercise rachamim towards him, but we can do chessed for him.

This is the deep difference between chessed and rachamim. With chessed, we aren’t completing another person’s lack; with rachamim, we are filling his lack, through having compassion for him.

Understanding it yet deeper, chessed comes from our own point of perfection, whereas rachamim comes from our own lacking. When we have rachamim for another, we feel pain for another, which makes us feel lacking and incomplete. There is a view in Chazal that when a person has rachamim towards another, it is because he feels sorry for himself! He cannot bear the other person’s suffering, and that is why he has compassion towards the other, so his rachamim towards another is really an expression of rachamim towards his own self.

Thus, rachamim is to feel lacking in ourselves and to give to another from that place of lacking in ourselves.

So we have seen that there is a vast difference between chessed and rachamim. There is yet a deeper understanding of the difference. We express about Hashem, “You existed before the world was created, and You exist after the world was created.” Before the creation of the world, there was no rachamim yet; there was only chessed, in concept. Only after Hashem created the world did rachamim come into concept: now that there is a Creation, and the creations are all imperfect, they need rachamim to survive. But before creation, there was nothing in existence in need of rachamim.

This shows us a deep difference between chessed and rachamim: the entire concept of rachamim exists within Creation, whereas chessed is above Creation. Although chessed was the main reason that Hashem created the world, in essence, the concept of chessed was around even before Creation.

The Main Aspect In In Our Relationships: “Middas HaChessed”

When we think about this as it applies to the avodah of our personal soul, it is as follows.

We explained how middas hadin needs to be used towards others. Middas harachamim is what enables the world to survive; the creation is lacking, and we exercise rachamim by filling the needs of others. Middas hachessed, though, is the deeper point. It stems from the point that is already perfect, the point of Before Creation, where there was no need yet for rachamim.

Middas hadin is necessary towards others, but it needs to be used sparingly towards others, as we explained. (In fact, this is due to the very nature of middas hadin, which is all about limitations). Middas harachamim encompasses all of Creation, but it only takes care of those who are lacking things.

Therefore, if someone only knows of rachamim towards others, his recognition of Hashem will be limited to the point of ‘after Creation’, and he is missing the deeper recognition of the Creator, which is to recognize what came ‘before’ Creation. He is missing the concept of chessed.

‘The World Was Created For Avraham Avinu’

There is a statement in Chazal that “the world was created for Avraham Avinu”. The depth of this is as follows.

Avraham Avinu was the one who revealed chessed on the world, and he was the one who was around even before the inception of the Jewish people. We can learn from this that chessed is the main middah we need to utilize on this world; the world was created for the sake of revealing chessed. Avraham Avinu personified chessed, thus, the world was created for Avraham Avinu – so that Hashem could bestow chessed upon the world, though Avraham.

Avraham Avinu recognized the Creator at three years old; until then, he grew up with the wicked Terach. It can be said that until he became the great Avraham Avinu that he was, he wasn’t yet the ‘Avraham Avinu’ that Hashem had in mind when He created the world. He was a different person then. Of course, his soul was still the soul of Avraham Avinu even before he recognized the Creator, but it wasn’t yet revealed, so was it as if his name was not yet “Avraham Avinu”. He wasn’t yet the perfect man whom Hashem created the world for.

The Balance

Thus, we have a deep avodah to ‘go in Hashem’s ways’ by cleaving to the middos of Hashem - and this is mainly through utilizing the middas hachessed.

Of course, the fact that middas hachessed is our main avodah on this world should not chas v’shalom compromise on our middas hadin and cause us to be less careful with dikduk hadin. Neither should it cause us to forget about middas harachamim. It is just that our main aspect that we need towards others is to use the middas hachessed. It resembles Hashem’s bestowal of good upon His creations, which is the reason He created the world; and, as the Nefesh HaChaim writes, “it is the entire task of man – to help others”.

Giving Out of ‘Rachamim’ Vs. Giving Out of ‘Chessed’

If someone never reflects on his life, his middas hadin will still be very much active (and if that is the case, it is probably extreme), but his middas hachessed will not be accessed that often. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, a person mainly identifies with rachamim, and he often doesn’t get to tap into the power of chessed.

For example, on Purim, when one gives matanos l’evyonim (gifts to the poor), it is usually given out of a sense of rachamim for others, not chessed. When people are collecting for Kimcha D’Pischa (charity for the poor, to be given out for those who can’t afford basic needs for Pesach), a person will give the money usually out of rachamim.

He is giving to others because others are lacking, and that is why he gives. If so, he is using rachamim, not chessed.

The Month of Nissan: Entering The Perspective of ‘Chessed’

As explained above, the perspective of rachamim is the lower perspective, which acts within the bounds of Creation, for it is the point of “after creation”, for creation is in need of rachamim. When a person remains within the perspective of rachamim and he does not access the higher perspective (chessed), he will be limited to the bounds of Creation and its deficiencies.

The month of Nissan is the month in which the universe was created, and it also the month in which the Jewish people left Egypt; it is the time of Pesach, which is parallel to Avraham Avinu, as the Tur writes. If so, the month of Nissan is the time to mainly utilize the middas hachessed in how we relate to others, for Nissan is the birth of the world, and the world was created with middas hachessed.

We need rachamim and din also towards others, but we mainly need to make use of chessed, in how we relate to others. When we leave the perspective of rachamim towards others and we enter the perspective of chessed towards others, this is the depth of our avodah in the month of Nissan, and the festival of Pesach especially.

[On a deeper level, as we explained], it is to leave the point that begins ‘after’ creation and to get in touch with the point that is ‘before’ creation. This connects a person to the main trait of Hashem, the middas hachessed - His desire to bestow good upon Creation.

A Mindset of ‘Chessed’

Thus, the main aspect of our life is not to dwell on completing all the imperfections, but to dwell on the point of perfection. We become ‘perfected’ when we bestow good upon others.

This is one of the most important aspects of our avodah on this world in general, and in our interpersonal relationships specifically. Our focus must be on how we can bestow good upon others, on a regular basis, just as Hashem is always bestowing good on His creation, renewing it constantly.

Of course, we all know that we cannot do [active] chessed the entire day, and that our schedule is split between our times to learn Torah, daven, in addition to our acts of chessed for others each day.

But instead of seeing it that way, we can turn all our Torah learning and davening into chessed for others; how? We can have a Torah learning that is called ‘Toras chessed’, and in our davening, we can daven for others. We can make sure that when we daven and when we learn, it is not for the sake of ourselves, but for the sake of others.[2]

In that way, we keep bestowing good upon Creation, on a regular basis – utilizing the middas hachessed.

In Conclusion

The more a person focuses his learning and davening and all other acts on this idea of bestowing good upon others, the more it can be said of him that he goes ‘from slavery to freedom’. The purity of the soul can then be revealed at its root – “for this is the entire task of man: he was not created [for himself] except to help others.”[3]