Fixing Your Water - 015 Desire To Progress Continuously

Introduction

Previously, we explained about desires that stem from water-of-wind-of-water. Now we will discuss desires stemming from wind-of-wind-of-water. (The material here will be linked to what we discussed in the previous chapter).

First we will discuss wind-of-wind-of-water, and then we will return to discuss how it relates to water-of-wind-of-water, with the help of Hashem.

Wind-of-Wind-of-Water: Continuous Desires

Wind is the root of movement in the soul. Wind-of-wind increases the movement in the soul, and not only does it increase the wind in the soul, but it causes an uninterrupted kind of movement.

Since we are discussing desires, we will see how this applies to desires. How does wind-of-wind (uninterrupted movement) manifest itself in water (desire)?

In the previous chapter, we mentioned the statement of Chazal that there are people who keep eating even after they are full, by vomiting their food so they can eat again. This is a kind of desire which keeps going and doesn’t get interrupted, so it is stemming from wind-of-wind-of-water.

A clear example where this desire is manifest is the desire to talk. A person might talk endlessly without stopping himself. The Chovos HaLevovos said that the tongue is the lightest organ of the body, because it keeps moving as a person talks, allowing a person to keep talking without pause. Sometimes a person talks so much that he gets thirsty, so he needs to pause and take a drink, but in essence, he can keep talking without pause. Speech, when it is uninterrupted, is a clear use of wind-of-wind-of-water.

We can see this nature as well with people who love to travel all over the world. This a desire (water), and it involves a movement (wind) which is constant (wind-of-wind).

Conscious and Subconscious Pleasure

We have mentioned so far very clear examples of desires that stem from wind-of-wind-of-water. Now we will try to understand these ideas more by trying to get to the root of these matters.

As we mentioned earlier, we have our conscious state, our subconscious state, and our above-conscious state (which is really our point of “emunah”). We also mentioned that the root of all human motivations is pleasure. We do things either to get good pleasure or evil pleasure.

This is also relevant to our current discussion, in which we are discussing desires that stem from wind-of-wind-of-water, a desire that is continuous with no pause. Since pleasure is rooted in the element of water, it is water which is the element in the soul that motivates all of one’s actions.

Thus, water is not only a cause for movement towards a desire, but it is also responsible for the enjoyment that one has in a desire. The “pleasure” aspect is more consciously recognizable to the person than the “movement” aspect involved in the desire. A person will move towards a desire, but the reason why he moves is because he wants the pleasure, and he can identify more strongly with the pleasure that is motivating him, rather than how the movement is motivating him.

A person can consciously be aware that he is moving towards some enjoyment because he wants something enjoyable; he can clearly be aware that the pleasure is motivating him. That is true with regards to desires stemming from water-of-wind-of-wind.

But when it comes to desires stemming from wind-of-wind-of-water, it is a more subtle motivation. The person is being motivated by pleasure, but he is not consciously aware of it. It might not seem pleasurable to the person, even though it is really pleasure that is motivating him.

Sometimes a desire is stemming from water-of-wind-of-water and sometimes from wind-of-water-of-water, and this is why we emphasized in the beginning of this chapter that the two kinds of desires are related, but they have subtle differences.

Superficially, we can label it as simply either “water-of-wind-of-water” or “wind-of-wind-of-water”, but the more detailed definition is, to define if the motivation is coming from subconscious pleasure in the desire, or if it is coming from conscious awareness to the pleasure of the desire.

So there are two factors [in wind-related desires]: there is a motivation that is revealed to one’s consciousness, and there is also a hidden motivation that isn’t revealed to one’s consciousness. The hidden motivation (which is not always revealed to one’s consciousness) is always water, because pleasure is always the motivating force [whether one is consciously aware of this or not].

We mentioned earlier the examples of eating continuously without pause, the desire for constant movement and travel, and the desire to talk continuously without pause. When it comes to the example of talking, this is wind-of-wind-of-water, and it doesn’t seem that pleasure here is the motivating factor. Some people do experience a pleasure in their very act of talking, but usually one is not consciously aware to this pleasure. In the example of eating without pause, it is much more obvious to the person that it is pleasure which is motivating him.

(Of course, it can still be subdivided even further into what the motivations are, but we will only discuss the roots of the motivations).

Summary

To summarize thus far: with desires stemming from water-of-wind-of-water, one is more consciously aware that it is water\pleasure which is motivating him to pursue the pleasure, and with desires stemming from wind-of-wind-of-water, it is less obvious to the person that water\pleasure is really motivating him. (The example of continuous talking is therefore a more accurate example of wind-of-wind-of-water).

“Lishmah” and “Shelo Lishmah”

We will return our focus now to desires that stem from wind-of-wind-of-water, which is the current discussion; let us now try to understand it deeper.

When it comes to wind-of-wind-of-water, it involves two factors: continuous movement without pause, as well as pleasure. As we explained earlier, we always have two deep motivations: oneg (pleasure) and emunah (lit. “faith”; an altruistic motivation).

Our motivation of oneg is essentially our nature to be shelo lishmah, to act self-serving for our own purposes; our emunah is essentially our point of lishmah, to act purely altruistic.

With desires stem from wind-of-wind-of-water, we can examine these desires and see how we contain in ourselves a very deep contradiction: our oneg\shelo lishmah and our emunah\lishmah clash with each other.

Water is the root of pleasure, which is shelo lishmah. Wind (specifically, wind-of-wind) is the root of movement. But firstly, before we continue, let’s define what lishmah and shelo lishmah is.

The simple understanding is that shelo lishmah is to be self-serving, and lishmah is to it for the sake of Hashem’s will, or for His honor, etc.  But there is much more depth to lishmah.

The Ramchal says in Mesillas Yesharim that the concept of humility is for one to recognize that we must do the will of Hashem because it is our nature to do His will, just as it is the nature of a bird to fly and the nature of fire to burn. Thus, the concept of “lishmah” means that when you do Hashem’s will, you are doing it because you realize that it is your very nature to do so.

We have a power of free will, but we have in us a higher power than our free will, and it is the depth behind the concept of humility. It is to perform for Hashem out of the recognition that this is your nature.

This is how the Ramchal describes the concept of humility, but we will apply it to understanding what “lishmah” is. “Lishmah” does not just mean “to do it for the sake of Hashem” – that’s not how to define lishmah. That can definitely help you get to lishmah, but it is still not yet lishmah itself. It can help you leave your self-serving motivations and begin to do things for Hashem, but it is still not yet lishmah; it is the tool that enables you to get to the point of lishmah.

Lishmah is defined as follows: When you do what you are supposed to, you are doing it because you know that this is what you were created for.

From ‘Shelo Lishmah’ To ‘Lishmah’

When a person remains superficial, he only experiences the outer layers of his soul and acts from those external layers. Man initially acts from his nefesh habehaimis, his animalistic layer of the soul, which has impure motivations.

When a person matures spiritually, he gets deeper into his soul, and he learns how to act from his point of free will. However, even at this level where has matured and he is more spiritual, he is still not yet able to always act lishmah. Sometimes he will act correctly for the sake of doing Hashem’s will, and sometimes he will act correctly for his own pleasure.

But when a person goes even deeper into his soul, he can reach the very nature of his soul, which is the nature to act lishmah. The inner nature of the soul is the point we can act lishmah from.

The book of the Kuzari[1] writes that the Hebrew word “teva” (nature) has the same gematria (numerical value in Hebrew) as the word “Elokim” (G-d), alluding to how the very nature of the soul is to do Hashem’s will.

But when our inner nature is covered over, either through the bodily materialism or through our own free will to remain that way, our real nature of lishmah is concealed as well.

“Lishmah” is to touch upon the deepest place of the soul - its very nature.

‘Maayan HaMisgaber’ – The Inner Source of Torah In The Soul

The Sages said that “when one learns Torah lishmah, he becomes like a ‘maayan hamisgaber’”, a “mighty wellspring”. It sounds simply like a ‘reward’ for learning lishmah, but the inner understanding is as follows.

The Sages state that “the reward for a mitzvah is a mitzvah” – thus, one who learns Torah lishmah, by essence, becomes a ‘maayan hamisgaber’. How does lishmah bring a person to become a ‘maayan hamisgaber’? It is because lishmah connects a person to the simple nature of the soul that is deep within.

When a person connects to the depth of his soul, there, he connects to how his soul is really “a piece of G-d”, and there, the Torah flows into him, like a “mighty wellspring” and a rushing river. It’s really the nature of the soul. But when one doesn’t access lishmah, his inner nature is concealed from him.

Thus, accessing the point of lishmah in the soul is what reveals to a person his inner nature of the soul.

The Three Layers Of Our Existence

Altogether, we have seen that there are three different planes we can exist on.

The lowest level is when one remains with his nature of the nefesh habehaimis (the “animalistic” part of the soul). Higher than that is to access one’s free will, and higher than that, to access the nature of the soul.

One who lives through the nature of his soul is one who acts lishmah. One who lives through his free will and breaks his desires to do Hashem’s will is certainly working hard to acquire the level of lishmah, and this is indeed the Torah way of living life. But he is not yet on the actual level of lishmah.

Although it is brought that one should say before he does a mitzvah that he is doing it for Hashem’s sake and to give a nachas ruach (satisfaction) to the Creator, it is still not yet the level of lishmah. It can surely help a person aspire for lishmah, but one must realize that he is not yet there on that level of lishmah. Eventually, if a person keeps acting and aspiring for lishmah, he will get to lishmah.

The Point Beyond Pleasure

So when it comes to wind-related desires, there is both wind and water involved. Which is the main motivating factor?

Chazal say that first Hashem created wind, then water, then fire, and then earth. Being that wind was the root of all the elements, it would seem that we are always being motivated by wind (or movement). We have explained, though, that in the soul, it is pleasure which is the main motivating force. Movement is caused by pleasure, and not vice versa. So it is pleasure which mainly motivates us to act. If so, the element of water (pleasure) is what motivates all the elements.

However, that is all true only when a person is being motivated by shelo lishmah. When a person is still being motivated by shelo lishmah, his water is motivating his wind. But when one reveals lishmah, he reaches the nature of the soul, the power of lishmah - which is otherwise known as the point of emunah in the soul. In this state, the nature of the soul is thriving on wind, and not on water; it will be “wind” in the soul that is at the forefront of one’s motivations.

Thus, the deeper we motivation in our acts, when uncovered, is really wind. Initially it is water\pleasure which motivates us to act, but if we access lishmah\emunah in the soul – when we are acting altruistically – it is “wind” which becomes our main motivating force in the soul.

Here we can notice a great contradiction about the soul. The nature of wind-of-wind in the soul is that it keeps moving. What motivates a person to keep moving? It is really a spark of the endless movement of Hashem. Hashem rested on Shabbos, but His Creation runs on movement. At the same time, Creation has its limits; we stop moving at some point.

So when a person keeps moving with no limits to his movement, it resembles Hashem’s endless movement – it is a spark of the Creator (on a deep note, it is also described as a spark of Moshiach in the soul, for it is said of Moshiach that he will bring an endless “wind” to the world of redemption).

Wind is not in our initial nature. The power to move endlessly is a deep nature of the soul that is a spark of Hashem’s Endlessness, and we do not have this power revealed in ourselves initially, but we can work to reveal it.

Using Wind-of-Wind

Therefore, we can now understand the following.

With wind-of-wind-of-water, there are two factors. The “water” factor involved in wind-of-water-of-wind is the part in us that is motivated by pleasure, while the “wind-of-wind” factor involved in it is the soul’s deep desire to seek endless movement. As we explained, it is really rooted in a spark of Hashem’s Endlessness.

When this power (endless movement) is used by a person for evil, it shows up in people who never stop pursuing desires, and they never rest from desire. This is the meaning of what is written, “The stomachs of the wicked are always lacking.”

But if someone channels this power for holiness, he increases his wind-of-wind over his water, and he reveals the deeper motivation of the soul, lishmah. He leaves “water” aspect that is within wind-of-water, and enters into the very “wind-of-wind” itself.

If one was born with a very dominant amount of wind-of-wind in his soul and he does not know how to use it properly, either he is the type to live a very anxious kind of life, or, he leads a hedonistic kind of life - both unhealthy kinds of lifestyles.

But if he knows how to use wind-of-wind properly, he must be a very great person. Wind-of-wind, when used correctly, is what can help a person strive endlessly for spiritual growth. These are the “bnei aliyah” of the world, those who truly ascend in spirituality, which are there are few of. This kind of person truly strives for spirituality, and he keeps ascending. His secret to success is that he knows how to make use of the powerful amount of wind-of-wind in the soul; it is not easy to know how.

Purifying Your Motivations

If a person is acting his whole life from the place of water-of-wind-of-water in himself, it’s possible that he does everything shelo lishmah. He might come to Heaven after 120 and they’ll tell him that he was self-serving your entire life; Chazal describe such a judgment.

A person who only serves Hashem for the spiritual bliss involved, has this problem. He is not acting evil, but he doesn’t reach the purpose of life, as the Ramchal writes in Mesillas Yesharim. The Ramchal is clearly describing a person whose life is led by water-of-wind-of-water.

A person like this might even strive his whole life to become close to Hashem, but he is in it entirely for the bliss involved. He does it all for pleasure, albeit spiritual. When he gets to Heaven, all he will be interested is in the spiritual pleasure that he will get…

Our Rabbis write that there are instances in which the soul has to come back onto the world so that it can become purified from the motivation of pleasure and learn how to serve Hashem altruistically. Such a person is reincarnated just so that he can leave his state of water-of-wind-of-water and enter into his wind-of-wind-of-water – to leave oneg and discover the secret of lishmah.

In fact, he might even spend his second time around on this world with no feelings of closeness to Hashem, because this is meant to rectify his previous lifetime in which he only sought closeness to Hashem for the sake of spiritual bliss and pleasure. The missing pleasure he has the second time around on this world is all meant to rectify his previous lifetime!

Wind-of-wind-of-water is the power to move endlessly. Only a small percentage of people have truly revealed its power from within themselves.

“Maayan HaMisgaber” – The Inner Source of Torah In The Soul

If one discovers that he has revealed his place of wind-of-wind in the soul, he needs to discern from where it is coming from in his soul, for we have a nefesh habehaimis (lower, animalistic soul) and a Nefesh Elokis (higher, G-dly soul).

There are people who have a revealed amount of wind-of-wind, but it comes entirely from their nefesh habehaimis. These are people who are able to always motivate themselves, simply because it is their nature. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they have reached holiness or greatness. Another possibility is that maybe he has fooled himself, and it is really pleasure (water-of-wind-of-wind) that motivates him to act, not the desire for endless movement (wind-of-wind-of-wind). 

One needs to get to his holy power of wind-of-wind, which is in the Nefesh Elokis. People might fool themselves and assume that they have reached their holy kind of wind-of-wind, while in reality they haven’t yet reached it.

A person might learn Torah day and night, and it seems like he has reached the holy kind of wind-of-wind in the soul (which comes from the Nefesh Elokis). But it can still be coming from his nefesh habehaimis. An ant can also keep moving; the fact that a person is always moving, progressing, and motivating himself further is not always a sign that he has reached the soul’s deep desire for endless movement.

It’s not something you can clearly see – it is a very hidden kind of power, and it needs a lot of subtle discerning in order for one to recognize it. Someone might seem like a person who learns Torah lishmah, because he looks like a “maayan hamisgaber” in Torah, always producing Torah chiddushim and never ceasing from learning – which all seems to be sign that he has reached “lishmah”. In reality, however, it can be because he is very brilliant in his intellect, and he has merely sharpened his intellect with the more he learns Torah. It doesn’t always come from the inner source of Torah that comes from the deepest part of the soul.

The “maayan hamisgasber” is an inner flow in the deepest part of the soul, whereas a mere brilliance in Torah learning can still be at the same level of brilliance that one has in secular fields of knowledge. Just become someone is always learning Torah and always producing chiddushim doesn’t mean that he has reached his deep place of “maayan hamisgaber”. Maybe he is always progressing in his learning simply because he has more of an ‘intellectual’ kind of wind-of-wind (which comes from the nefesh habehaimis) - which is no proof that his movement is coming from deep in his soul.

Of course, it’s better to think always about Torah than to think about other topics, but the point of what we are saying is that just because a person learns Torah non-stop, this doesn’t mean that he has penetrated deeply into the soul. There were always brilliant people throughout the generations who learned a lot of Torah and they were clever and sharp, but they did not always become Gedolim. There were people who assumed that these brilliant heads were Gedolim, but they were mistaken.

Surely, Hashem rewards all people who learn Torah, as the Nefesh HaChaim writes; but that still doesn’t tell us if he is a “Gadol” or not. It’s even possible that someone who looks like a big Torah scholar is actually a smaller person that another person who is a lesser Torah scholar! A person who has become a “maayan hamisgaber” might have less Torah chiddushim, while one who isn’t a maayan hamisgaber might have much Torah chiddushim, but it’s all external and not coming from the inner flow of the soul.

Being Truthful

In summary, if one identifies wind-of-wind in himself, he must know really well if his wind-of-wind is coming from a holy source, or if it’s merely coming from his intellectual sharpness and brilliance.

When one learns Torah and he has oneg (pleasure) in it, the sefer Iglei Tal praises this. However, if pleasure is the entire reason a person learns Torah, he is mistaken. One can end up enjoying his learning, but if he learns only because he enjoys it, he is making a grave error, and this is a common mistake that people make in their learning. It might be taanug in his learning, or taanug in his gaavah (arrogance), or other kinds of taanug that are motivating him. Whatever the case, the real question always is: What is really motivating him.

The Self-Accounting

This is the test of what a true “ben aliyah” is.

One who wants to be a true ben aliyah needs to reveal the power of wind-of-wind-of-water in the soul for holiness. But it needs a lot of discerning of where exactly the wind-of-wind-of-water it is coming from in himself. It is a very deep kind of internal self-clarification.

To try and discern this, one must know if his constant Torah learning and delight in it is being motivated by any of the following factors:

(1)   Is my desire to grow spiritually coming the deep nature of the soul which moves endlessly towards the Creator (which stems from the Nefesh Elokis, the ‘G-dly’ layer of the soul, in me)?

(2)   Or is it because I have a nature to keep going without pause, and it has nothing to do with a spiritual motivation (which comes from the wind-of-wind-of-water in the nefesh habehaimis?

(3)   Or perhaps I am mainly learning Torah and trying to grow spirituality solely because I seek the spiritual pleasure and high levels of understandings (which comes from water-of-wind-of-water in the nefesh habehaimis?

One needs to work his way upwards and purify his motivations, until he can finally get to the holy desire in his soul which seeks endlessness. If his desire for spiritual attainment is not coming from that deep place in himself and it is instead coming from the nefesh habehaimis, he must make sure to keep working to purify his motivations in his spiritual progress [by increasing his power to act lishmah], until he eventually reveals the desire for endlessness which comes from the Nefesh Elokis.