Fixing Your Fire [Honor] - 001 Heavy Honor

Introduction

With siyata d’shmaya (the help of Heaven), we will continue to learn about the element of fire [and its resulting character traits]. Previously, we learned about the root traits which stem from fire: conceit and anger. Now we will learn about the branching traits of fire. One of the branching traits of fire, Rav Chaim Vital writes, is kavod (honor).

The Sages teach that “Jealousy, lust and honor take a person out of the world” – that is, these particular traits remove a person from his own [inner] ‘world’.

Since kavod is a trait that stems from fire, and each of the elements contains aspects of all four elements, there is kavod that stems from earth-of-fire, water-of-fire, wind-of-fire, and fire-of-fire.

The Four General Kinds of Honor

1)    When kavod stems from earth-of-fire, a person is pursuing kavod due to k’veidus, “heaviness”. The word “kavod” is related to the word kaveid, “heavy”, which implies that kavod can be associated with “heaviness”, which is a property of earth, for the earth is a heavy substance.

2)    When kavod stems from water-of-fire, a person is pursuing kavod because he enjoys it (water is the root of pleasure), and on a more subtle note, because he is ‘dragged’ after it (similar to the nature of water, which drags things with it).

3)    When a person is pursuing kavod that stems from wind-of-fire, he will “move” towards kavod so that he can attain it (wind is the root of movement). He is the kind of person of whom it is said, “One who runs after honor”.

4)    Kavod that stems from fire-of-fire is when a person feels the elation and pride from the kavod, when he feels exalted above all others; similar to the nature of fire, which rises.

Those are the four general roots of kavod. Now we will go into the details, starting with kavod that stems from earth-of-fire and its four subdivisions: earth-of-earth-of-fire, water-of-earth-of-fire, wind-of-earth-of-fire, and fire-of-earth-of-fire.

The Four Branches of Kavod That Stem From Earth-of-Fire

1A) Kavod stemming from earth-of-earth-of-fire is when a person wants to remain “heavily” and firmly in the place where he is found in.

1B) Kavod stemming from water-of-earth-of-fire is when a person enjoys staying there.

1C) Kavod stemming from wind-of-earth-of-fire is when a person has deliberate, heavy movement; as an example, the Mesillas Yesharim says that when a person pursues honor, he will walk in a precise manner with deliberation in his movements.

1D) Kavod stemming from fire-of-earth-of-fire is the elation that one feels when he remains heavily attached to what he feels is his rightful place.

Understandably, these terms sound mysterious when we first hear about them, because we haven’t yet explained them, and we have only outlined them briefly. Now we will explore each of these in detail.

Earth-of-Earth-of-Fire: The ‘Heavy’ Effect That Results From Honor

We will begin with examining kavod that stems from earth-of-earth-of-fire.

As we mentioned, kavod is from the word k’veidus, heaviness. There are different kinds of k’veidus\heaviness which stem from the elements in the soul.

There is k’veidus which stems from the element of earth in general; earth is a heavy substance, and in terms of the soul, earth breeds heaviness. The heaviness of earth is the source of the trait of laziness.

The element of fire also contains an aspect of k’veidus\heaviness. Fire rises, and when one is rising due to honor he is pursuing, he is rising beyond his simple place. When a person is receiving honor, he is disconnecting from his normal and simple place, and he is rising to a place of honor, which is not the simple place that he belongs in. Kavod is therefore a way to enlarge one’s reality.

As an example, Rav Yochanan said that “a person’s clothing is his honor”. A person weighs a certain amount and he takes up a certain amount of space, but when he wears clothing, he weighs a bit more and now he takes up more space. That is what kavod is like. It expands one’s own personal space and makes him feel that he is ‘worth’ more. Therefore, kavod causes k’veidus, heaviness.

The simple understanding is that when a person receives kavod, he feels as if he has become bigger and more prominent; but the more precise way to understand it is that kavod gives a person a feeling of self-expansion.

An even deeper understanding is that kavod is like a space that envelopes the person from all directions; as an example, one of the Sages said that a person’s garments are called his honor; and we know that clothing is what surrounds a person’s body. On a deeper level, there was the Ananei HaKavod (Clouds of Glory) which surrounded all of Klal Yisrael, so kavod is something that surrounds and envelopes man from all sides, which expands his own space. In other words, the area that surrounds the self can be viewed as an expansion of the space of the self.

This is the general concept, and now we will explain the simpler ramifications of this concept.

When One Is Tied To A Certain Place\Position That Provides Honor

Kavod causes a person to feel an inner k’veidus (heaviness) in his soul. This k’veidus causes a person to want to stay in his place, due to the kavod that he receives there.

We find two possible kinds of movement towards kavod. One kind of movement is when a person is simply pursuing it, of whom Chazal say, “One who runs after honor.” This is a person who always looks to receive honor, wherever he is; and if he does not get enough, he will feel, “All of this is not worth anything to me” [as Haman said]. He wants to ‘move’ out of the space of where he is, so that he can receive more and more kavod. The one who “runs after honor” is a person who is not content to stay in his own space.

There is another way entirely, however, in how a person pursues kavod: when a person is receiving kavod and therefore he remains in his place, so that he can continue to receive kavod there. Chazal say, “The place does not honor the person; rather, the person honors the place.” In other words, the place where a person is found in can cause him to feel honored there, and therefore he may not want to move from there. Because he receives kavod there, he doesn’t want to move away from that place.

It can simply be understood as an attachment to the kavod he gets there, but the deeper understanding is because the kavod\honor is actually ‘weighing’ him down - for kavod can cause k’veidus, “heaviness”.

For example, if a person is honored to sit in a certain place, where he will receive kavod there, and he doesn’t feel like leaving such a place, we can simply understand that he doesn’t want to leave the place because he is receiving honor there. That is certainly true, but the more precise way to understand it is that the kavod has caused him to have k’veidus\heaviness, and this “heaviness” that has been created from the kavod is making it hard for him to leave the place, so he will want to remain there forever.

This is not just because he is scared of losing the kavod if he were to leave his place. Rather, he is found in that place where he’s getting kavod and it is sort of weighing upon him, gluing him in place.

The Contradiction Contained In Honor

Based upon the above, let’s understand the following.

Fire is the lightest of the elements, and that is what allows it to rise higher. Fire destroys something and then it is fueled further, which allows it to rise higher. Fire in the soul is the root of the traits of conceit and anger; the ‘conceit’ is the ‘light’ aspect of fire, which allows it to rise quickly, and the ‘anger’ is the ‘dry’ aspect of fire, and therefore when a person doesn’t feel inner vitality, he gets angry, because he has dried up inside.

Fire also contains the property of heat, and heat allows it the fire to rise quickly; the ‘dryness’ of the fire, however, can weigh down the fire, connecting it to the element of earth. We explained about this in the series Fixing Your Fire: Anger.

Now we are learning about the trait of kavod\honor, which contains both aspects of fire at once. Honor is about rising higher, which reflects the property of heat in fire, for heat rises; at the same time, honor also contains the ‘dryness’ of fire, which causes ‘heaviness’ to the ‘fire’, and therefore, honor brings ‘heaviness’ upon a person.

For this reason, the trait of honor contains a deep contradiction. When a person is receiving honor, he wants to rise higher, and this is similar to the trait of conceit; a conceited person is regularly seeking to be honored. But on the other hand, the person who is pursuing honor is also weighed down heavily to the place where he is in, and in this aspect, honor works similar to anger, which causes a person’s ‘fire’ to connect to the level of ‘earth’, by drying him out on the inside.

So when we take a look at the deep inner workings of honor, we see a contradiction: there’s an aspect here of wanting to rise higher (like fire), and there’s also an aspect here of a heaviness that causes a person to stay in his place (like earth).

The Fallacy of Pursuing A Prestigious Position

Making this practical, any sensible person understands that the world is full of examples of people who pursue honor, and the details to this human trait are endless. There are people who think that a person is only successful is he receives a prestigious position in life, and that if a person doesn’t get this prestige, his life is worthless. But this mentality is entirely a product of fantasy.

Sometimes honor takes on spiritual forms, which seems to make it look like a holy pursuit. There are teaching positions available in yeshivah that are regarded as prestigious, for such positions enables a person to teach Torah to others. There are public positions in which people assist in communal affairs, and these positions are also desired and considered prestigious in the eyes of people. But Hashem knows what’s in the heart of each person, and He knows how much truth the person is really pursuing – as well as his how much motivation for honor that he’s in it for.

These positions of prestige are what people are seeking. Understandably, each person will look how to attain a position that is within his own current level to reach. After a person gains the position of prestige that he wanted – whether it is a position of being a Rav, or a Rosh Yeshivah, or a Rosh Kolel, etc. – what will happen if he is he is taken away from this position? Any sensible person knows that that is like “Hashem builds words and destroys them” – when any of these prestigious positions are either offered or taken away, it can break out into a war that resembles “the war of Gog and Magog”!

Why does this happen? Obviously, it is because the person’s kavod is at stake. But based upon what we have explained here, it is because there is k’veidus\heaviness that is weighing upon the person who is comfortable in his position, and that is what makes it so hard for him to leave his place.

Parents Who Want Their Children To Continue Their Position\Business

We find that in the laws of yerushah (inheritance), it is not only monetary affairs which are inherited; positions of status are inherited as well. The kehunah (priesthood), the status of Kohen Gadol (the high priest) and the malchus (royalty) are also inherited from father to son; similarly, there are people who have certain positions or businesses, and they wish for their children to continue their position or job, after they die.

Many people make sure that their children will continue the family business or position. Often there is resulting dissension between the children about how to divide this kind of inherited status, with endless details involved. But why do these fathers wish in the first place for their children to continue the position that they began?

Simply we can say that the father has the best interests of the child in mind, and he wanted that his child should have it good, and be financially secure, and to enjoy an honorable status. But the deeper motivation of the father is because there is a “heaviness” upon him that isn’t letting him budge from his own position. He knows that one day he will die and he’ll no longer have the position, so in order for him to remain in this position, he makes sure that his child will continue the position, which will keep it alive; for children continue the life of their parents.

It would make sense for a rebbi to want to his talmid to continue his own path, because that is coming from a motivation for truth. It is of a spiritual nature and it is much closer to having inner content to it. But if it’s a position of a more material nature that is being forced by the father upon the child, most of the time, it is simply because the father deep down doesn’t want to leave this position behind, and the only way for him to continue it after he dies is to make sure that his child continues it.

This is usually what is motivating the person in most of these situations. It is usually not like how Moshe Rabbeinu desired to have the Kehunah status continued through his children. Rather, it usually stems from “heaviness” that has resulted from the honor he has received in that position, and that heaviness is causing him to feel that he is unable to part from his position.

Dealing With The Truth

Let’s say we have a person who became an esteemed Rosh Yeshivah on this world, and he lived a long life, teaching Torah to many talmidim in a big and famous yeshivah, who continue to listen to him even after they are in kolel. When he leaves the world eventually and he comes upstairs to Heaven, imagine if he’s offered the following choice: “Either you can go back down into the world and have another yeshivah with many talmidim, or you can become a talmid of Reb Akiva Eiger (you’ll go back in time, to many years ago).” What will he choose?

We are taught by the Sages, “Be a tail to a lions, rather than be a head of foxes.” It’s better to be the least prominent in a group of people who are on a higher level than you, rather than be the most prominent in a group of people who are on a lower level than you. But if this Rosh Yeshivah is too attached to kavod, he’d rather remain a Rosh Yeshivah than be a talmid of Reb Akiva Eiger. He would probably choose to be a “Rosh Yeshivah” even in Gehinnom. He might have the nature of being unable to part from the position he was in, where he was in charge of things. This means that he didn’t live a life of truth! Even if he leaves over children who will continue his position, that doesn’t mean that he’ll get any reward for this when he gets upstairs. It’s harsh to say that he won’t get anything at all for it, but he’ll see the truth.

At some point in a person’s lifetime, a person has to deal with the truth. He has to be able to part from a certain situation and to know that it will end one day for him.

This is only one example, but anyone can add on his own examples, which bring out this idea. The point is that a person can develop the problem of “heaviness” which is tying him down to a certain position he is in, due to the honor he receives there; it feels permanent to him, and he feels unable to leave that place. Indeed, it is very tough for a person to detach from such positions, because he has become heavily attached to the situation.

The Solution: The Concept of “Halbashah” (Wearing) and “Hafshatah” (Removing)

Now let’s see what the proper way to go about life is. We have mentioned the following concept in the past with regard to other situations, and here it will be especially applicable, when learning how to detach from positions of honor.

There is a concept of “wearing” and “removing” our “garments” on This World (halbashah\wearing and hafshatah\removal). In other words, we have to be able to “wear” something, by using it, we need to be able to “remove it”, similar to how we get dressed in the morning and we undress at night to wear different clothes. Kavod (honor) especially is called a “garment” by the Sages, which was mentioned earlier. Therefore, we need to view kavod like a pair of clothes that we must be able to “remove” after we “wear” it.

Any situation we encounter on This World, in fact, needs to be viewed with the perspective that we “wear” it and then we “remove” it. For example, there is the normal period of the year which we call “the zman” (the season), and then there is Bein HaZemanim, the break in between the seasons of the year. We “wear” the normal season and then we “remove it”, when we are in Bein HaZemanim; then we remove Bein HaZemanim and we go back to “wearing” the regular zman.

The Vilna Gaon and others wrote that time is like a ‘garment’ that we wear – we pass through certain times of the year, such as the festivals, and then we leave them. There is Erev Yom Tov, then we enter Yom Tov, and then we are in Motzei Yom Tov – we keep “wearing” one kind of “garment” and then we “remove” it, putting on a different “garment”.

In whatever situation we are in, we need to view it as a “garment”, which we “wear” temporarily, which we will eventually remove. When you absorb this concept, not just in your mind but as a way to live life, you will be able to view every situation you go through like a pair of clothes that you wear and then remove.

Example 1 – Different Stages of Life

To illustrate, a person starts out life as a child, then he becomes bar mitzvah, then he enters high school, then Beis Midrash, then he enters marriage, and then he becomes a father, then he marries off his children and soon he is a grandfather, and sometimes he merits to become a great-grandfather or even a great-great-grandfather. He goes through many different stages in life, and each time, his status changes. A person needs to be able to identify the change of status and realize that it is subject to change: “Am I child right now, or am I a teenager? Am I more mature than that? Am I father, or a grandfather, or a great-grandfather?”

Each stage in life brings a different status of identification, and one should notice the change of status. The status keeps changing throughout life. And when moving on to the next stage, as a person is beginning it or a little before entering it, a person should realize that he is about to enter a situation that will not be here forever. It is all temporary and it can change.

When one has this perspective, for every situation he finds himself in, he will be able to disconnect from it when the time comes. He has become aware that every situation in life is always temporary, like a pair of clothes that we wear one day and remove the next day; that there is no situation which is permanent. This perspective needs to accompany us throughout all of our life.

Example 2 – How A Father Relates To His Grown-Up Child

Consider also the following example.

When a young child grows up and he is more mature now, sometimes the father has a hard time adjusting to this reality. The father may want to keep relating to the child as if he is a young child, speaking to him as if he’s talking to a little boy, because deep down, he still feels towards him deep down that this is his young child. When he has to reprimand him, it’s as if he’s asking his ‘little boy’ to act more mature, and it’s because he still relates to his child as if he’s that little boy. The child, however, has already grown up and matured, and he wants to be spoken to on a more mature level. But the father may not be able to accept this transition, and he may keep relating to his grown son as if he’s still his young child.

We can bring more examples, but the point is that a person must be able to realize that there is no situation which is permanent, in order to make a transition from one situation to another. Without this awareness, a person will feel that a situation must be permanent and that it must never change. But as we are explaining, one must know that every situation in life is temporary, like clothing that we wear and later remove.

Example 3 – Marriage

The following is also a fundamental example: When a person gets married, does he feel like this relationship will be forever?

If he thought it will be forever, he will have a very difficult time adjusting one day if his spouse leaves the world before he does. And since most spouses do not die together, but leave the world at some point before the other, this is a situation which a person must know how to deal with when the time inevitably comes. Do spouses stay together in Heaven, in Gan Eden? Not everyone merits this. It is usually a temporary connection for This World, and not permanent.

(Unless their souls are rooted in the same root, and they are a true “zivug rishon” (first marriage), which would not apply in the case of zivug sheini, a second marriage. But in most cases, the marriage is like a zivug sheini; not only in This World is there such a thing as a second marriage, but even in their soul root, a couple can be a zivug sheini, which will mean that their connection is not forever. That being the case, most marriages are a temporary connection, when a person enters and eventually takes leave of.)

These are some fundamental examples, but it is true of all connections that we have on This World, which are all temporary.

Removing The ‘Heaviness’ Caused By Situations Of Honor

When one absorbs this perspective, it becomes easier for him to detach from certain situations or positions that he has become comfortable with.

The Torah says that Avraham was “heavy” with all of the silver, gold, and flocks that he owned. If we look at a person in the world today, we can also see “heaviness”, but it is not because he owns money. Rather, people are “heavy” in the sense that they are ‘weighed down’ from having a spouse, children, a certain position or status, money, financial assets, and all other aspects of life which ‘weigh’ a person down. All of these aspects of life cause a huge amount of ‘heaviness’ to weigh upon the soul.

Most people do not actually feel this heaviness, though. They might feel weighed down by the various stresses of life only in terms of how it affects them financially. But the truth is that there is a great heaviness that is formed upon the soul, due to all of these aspects of life.

In contrast, when a person realizes that all situations must be ‘worn’ and then ‘removed’, as we explained, the ‘heaviness’ he feels in all situation of life will become lightened; he will feel lighter. This is a subtle concept, but we should know that it is a way to live life.

Without this awareness, a person goes through life and he becomes more and more weighed down, and the more he is weighed down, the more of a pull he will feel towards materialism, because the ‘heaviness’ causes a downward pull. This will cause him to feel more connected to certain situations on This World and he will feel unable to detach from it.

When one feels reaches perspective deeply in his soul, he will feel ‘lighter’ – as the Sages state, “be light as an eagle.”

Being Able To Detach

Now let us return to discussing how to deal with kavod\honor when we find it too difficult to leave a certain honorable position, which stems from earth-of-earth-of-fire.

When kavod weighs down a person and he feels unable to leave a place where he is honored, he needs to be able to disconnect from it, in the blink of an eye, if need be it. If he is prepared to do that, the ‘heaviness’ of the situation will be greatly lightened, and then it won’t weigh him down that much. Since he is prepared to quickly leave it if he has to, he will have a much easier time letting go of it if the time comes to leave it.

The Alter of Slabodka, who headed the yeshiva of Slabodka in Europe, taught the study of mussar in his yeshiva, where he also developed a unique approach in mussar. There were people at that time who opposed his particular methods, and he was told that either he should give in to the opposition and abandon his style, or he should leave the yeshiva. They made a goral (raffle), and the goral said that he should leave the yeshiva. When he left the yeshiva, he said, “Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the great merit all these years of helping people, by teaching them”, and he left in a content mood.

How can a person reach such a deep level in the soul? Naturally, a person feels like he is in charge of his situation. If he is in a position of power, naturally he will feel that he is in charge, and that it’s his. If he becomes too attached to the place or position that he is in charge of, and he is somehow forced away from it, he will feel like half of his flesh is being eaten.

In contrast, the proper way to live life is for a person to realize that this entire world is Hashem’s world, and not his. As the Sages teach, “Anything that is within your power to do, do; but the task is not upon you to complete, and neither are you exempt from it.” One must do all that he can, he must do “his” share on this world, but that share still belongs to Hashem. If Hashem would want a person to leave what he’s doing and do something else, would he do it?

In order for a person to make the transition, he needs to go through a deep, inner process in his soul, of getting used to the perspective that every situation we have on This World is temporary, and that we are never connected to anything forever. The more that a person becomes an inner kind of person, he can know the subtle point of how much he needs to connect to a situation and how much he needs to disconnect from it.

It is a very subtle point in the soul to traverse, but the basic outline of it is, that if you know that you won’t be able to detach from a certain situation, don’t enter it in the first place. Consider it forbidden to you. The truth is that will anyways leave everything behind one day, because death disconnects a person from This World. But in one’s own personal avodah that he has on this world, he should consider it forbidden for him to enter a situation if he knows he won’t be able to part from it. One should be prepared to calmly leave it, in a content kind of acceptance, and even more so, to do it happily.

The Meaning of True Kavod\Honor

If one reaches this, he will live a life of the true “kavod”. This is also the depth of “One who runs away from honor.”

What does it meant to “run away” from honor? Does it mean you should run to a faraway place when people seek to honor you? That is not what the Sages meant. Rather, it means that when people are giving you kavod, you should be prepared to quickly leave this situation, in the blink of an eye, to go to a place where there won’t be any kavod. (As for being willing to endure insults instead, that is a different matter).

Running away from honor means that a person isn’t weighed down by the ‘heaviness’ that results from honor, because he is prepared to quickly detach from it, if need be it. He knows that if Hashem would want him to leave the situation, he would do so easily. Surely if he is forced away from his honorable situation and he is thrown out of there, or if they ridicule him there and they sadden him, he does not blame this on the people who have caused him grief, and he is aware that they didn’t do anything to him; instead, he is aware that it is “Hashem told him to curse.” He can leave the situation as readily as he entered it. That is what it means to run away from honor.

The Honor That Enables One To Truly Rise

Based upon the above, we can now understand the following point. When a person lives with this perspective, he also eases the inner contradiction that is contained in kavod\honor, which we mentioned earlier.

On one hand, honor is a motivation to rise higher, but at the same time, honor weighs a person down. When a person isn’t able to run away from honor, instead of rising higher from the honor he is receiving, he is pulled downward. It will be like the suffering of Iyov. He is rising and falling at the same time, as he receives the honor; these contradicting movements within him will cause dissension between the forces of his own soul.

But if a person is able to run away from honor, meaning that he can detach from the situation if need be it, then he will be able to rise higher from the honor, because since he is ready to leave it in one moment, he will feel lighter in this situation, and when something is light, it can rise easily (unlike something heavy, which is naturally pulled downward). Such kavod will elevate him and it will not pull him downward!

The Honor of The Neshamah: When It Is Prepared To Detach From The World

This is the depth of the words of Chazal that the neshamah (Divine soul) is called “kavod”, honor. What is the kavod of the neshamah? The neshamah is clothed by the body; it can enter the body and be clothed by it, and it can leave the body. That is its kavod.

Hashem has decreed upon the neshamah that is must go into the body and be clothed by it: “Against your own will you were created, against your own will you were born, and against your own will you will die.” This refers to the concept of halbashah\wearing and hafshatah\removal which we explained about here, and this is the “kavod” of the neshamah. The neshamah, by its very nature, rises; the body weighs it down from ascending. But the neshamah by its very nature is ready to exchange its ‘garment’ in one moment and rise to Heaven, and that is its kavod.

False Honor Vs. True Honor

Now we have learned the difference between true kavod and false kavod. False kavod causes a person to be pulled downward, whereas true kavod is when a person is ready to easily detach from the kavod he is receiving, and such kavod elevates him.

This is also the true meaning of “the honor of Torah scholars”, which are really a reflection of the “honor of the Torah”.

Practically Actualizing This Concept

This concept contains much depth and subtlety, and it is a long inner process to traverse, throughout life.

Practically speaking, one should begin getting used to detachment by disconnecting from things that aren’t that hard for him to detach from. He shouldn’t begin by trying to detach from honor altogether, because in most cases, this will be unrealistic, and it will be too hard for him to do. Instead, a person can try detaching from small kinds of honor, or he can try detaching in general from certain aspects of his life, which do not have to be related to honor.

Slowly as a person gets used to this, he will get used to “wearing” and “removing” the parts of his life, which in turn lessens the “heaviness” upon him; his pull towards this materialistic world will become lessened and lightened, and then he can become “as light as an eagle….to do the will of Hashem”.