Fixing Your Earth [Sadness] - 012 Unrealized Aspirations & The Solution

Sadness That Results From Fire-of-Wind-of-Earth: When One’s Will “Dries Up”

With siyata d’shmaya, we are continuing to learn about the trait of sadness, which comes from the element of earth. In this lesson, we will learn about sadness that comes from fire-of-wind-of-earth.

As explained in the previous lessons, the element of wind corresponds to the ratzon (will). One of the aspects of fire is that it is destructive. Therefore, fire-of-wind-of-earth is the source of sadness that stems from a ‘destroyed’ will. When one’s fire is being destructive to his wind/will, a person falls into earth, sadness.

If we look deeper into the cause for this sadness, what is it that causes the fire to be destructive? It is the element of earth which has caused the fire to be destructive. Earth and fire connect together because they are both dry elements. The dryness of earth and fire combine, “drying” out the wind/will, and the result is that a person becomes sad from this.

Why Does A Person’s Will Weaken?

When a person wants something, he is motivated. The stronger the will, the more motivated he will be and the more he will move to get what he wants. The will can become weakened due to one of two reasons.

Possibility #1 - Despair

One reason is despair, which is a nullification of the will, where a person gives up on what he wants, because he sees that he can’t actualize his desire.

Possibility #2 - ‘Onto Bigger and Better Things’

Another factor that weakens the will is when one loses interest in his current will, because he wants something else that he considers more important. When this happens, he no longer regards the previous will as important. This is embodied by the verse, “And all this is not worth anything to me.”[1]

To illustrate, if a person desired copper and then he becomes interested in silver, he no longer desires copper and now he is trying to get silver. Then he sees gold and he begins to take an interest in gold, and now he wants to own gold, and he is no longer interested in silver.

This idea also exists on a more inner level, when it comes to desiring higher spiritual levels. When a person is aiming to reach a higher spiritual dimension than his current one, he no longer has a will to reach the spiritual realm that is lower than the one he is trying to reach. This is a result of the element of fire in the soul, which ‘destroys’ the previous level and deems it as worthless, in favor of the higher level.

The nature of fire is to rise higher, and the Vilna Gaon says that this is because each element wants to return to its root, and since fire is rooted in Heaven, it naturally rises to Heaven. But there is also a deeper understanding of why fire rises. Fire rises higher because it gets its strength from the destruction of a previous level. The fire in the soul is designed to ‘yearn’ for its higher root, and therefore, anything that a person deems as a lower level than the fire’s source [which is in Heaven] will be ‘destroyed’ by the fire, because it is deemed as worthless. This is how fire rises higher: because it keeps destroying the previous level.

In the soul, fire manifests as a desire to keep going higher, and, while this is not always the case, it can happen that a person deems the previous level as worthless, because the person is aware that there are higher levels. It is like the rule of the Gemara, “Anything which is deemed to be burned, is considered already burned.”[2]

(Holy, repaired “fire” is when a person desires to go to a higher level after he has destroyed his previous level, whereas evil, impaired “fire” is when a person wishes to go higher than his previous level (this is conceitedness) or when he goes higher by destroying others and bringing others down so that he can feel higher.)

To summarize: there are two detrimental ways in which one nullifies his aspirations. One way is through despair, and the other way to nullify the will is through losing value for the will. When one wills something and he doesn’t believe he can get it, or he doesn’t believe that Hashem can help him, he despairs, and he falls into the dryness of fire, which awakens the dryness of earth, and he becomes sad. In a different scenario, a person loses value for what he wants and burns up his will. Here we will focus on the second scenario: when one loses value for his current level.

Imagination “Burns” and Destroys One’s Current Level

When one uses this power of “bittul” (nullification) to nullify the value of other things, if he lives through imagination and he imagines that he can get to a higher level right now, he is really burning up his current level. He is desiring a “world that is not yours”[3]. He wants to be on a higher level, which can exist only in his imagination. He is not realistic in what he wants.

Others have a problem that they imagine have something because they want it. On a spiritual level, a person will imagine that he is at a higher level simply because he wants to get there. But here we are speaking of a far less dramatic example of imagination: When a person simply wants to get to a higher level and he realizes he’s not there, so he deems his current level worthless. He can’t get to the higher level, because he isn’t able to get there right now, and now he doesn’t have his current level, because he has just burned it up.

What happens to him? He dries up and he falls into the sadness of the element of earth. If he is deeply immersed in imagination, he will imagine he is already at the higher levels. Most people have this problem of imagination. They imagine that they are at the higher level they want. They confuse imagination with reality. They have a strong will, but their will is in the category of imagination.

The Difference Between Conceitedness and Imagination

Now we will speak about a deeper point.

Each person has his own soul root, as well as one’s current level. One has an avodah that corresponds with the root (shoresh) of his particular soul, and in addition with this factor, one also has his current spiritual level (madreigah). When one aspires to get to higher levels, he must know: What is an aspiration that is closer within one’s reach, and what is an aspiration that is far from a person to reach?

An aspiration that is close within a person’s reach is when a person aspires to get to his soul’s root. Such an aspiration is more founded in reality, because one is always able to rise a bit higher than his current level. One may become conceited, though, and he will desire to get to his soul’s root, without being aware of his current spiritual level and limitations. Although it is within his reach to get to his soul’s root, at his current level, he cannot get there right now. Therefore, he is being conceited if he tries to get to the higher level. His desire to reach the higher level is therefore not an example of an imaginative aspiration, but an aspiration that stems from his true ratzon.

The person here is somewhat connected to the higher level he wishes to reach, but he cannot actually reach it right now. While he cannot actually reach the higher level, he is not being imaginative for wanting to get there, because he does have a connection to it. So he is being conceited, but he is not being imaginative.

In contrast to the above, if one wishes to be on a higher spiritual level and therefore he deems the current level as worthless, it is a sign that his aspiration comes from his imagination. As mentioned, this problem is found in most people, who will aspire for a higher spiritual level that they want and therefore imagine. Their will to reach a higher spiritual level is not coming from a true ratzon, but from their imagination, because they are desiring that which is completely out of their reach.

For example, a person may think he can succeed at attaining higher spiritual levels because he sees that others succeeded at attaining them, so they imagine that they can also do the same and succeed. But often a person doesn’t have the same abilities as another person, and his motivation is just being fueled by his imagination. What happens? Either a person will eventually despair from attaining his aspiration, or, in his aspiration to go higher, he will deem his current level as worthless. In either of these outcomes, the inevitable result will be sadness.

Imagination causes a person to wish to reach higher than his current level. We can notice that there are two detrimental factors involved here. Take the following example from the material world. When a person has a hundred dollars and he desires a million, he has no connection to the million dollars right now. If he has a very strong imagination, like some people do, he will want the million dollars and imagine has it already, or that he can at least attain it. He will want something that isn’t within his actual reach, and what will happen? First of all, he will eventually despair from getting it, but in addition, he will also not be satisfied with the 100 dollars that he has, because the more he wants the million, the more he will consider his 100 dollars to be absolutely worthless.

In most people, even when they aspire for higher spiritual levels, their aspirations are not realistic. Most of the time, when people have very high spiritual aspirations, they will eventually become sad, when they don’t actualize their aspirations. People often desire to reach higher levels that are simply not within their reach right now. The only way for a person to actualize his high aspirations is when one has great mesirus nefesh (a willingness of self-sacrifice for the cause), which enables a person to penetrate to the highest levels. But most people cannot do this, and therefore their high aspirations aren’t actualized, and as a result, they become sad from all of their many aspirations: either because they despair, or because they deem their current level as worthless.

(When a person desires to be another person, even if the other person in question is a certain tzaddik, this is an aspiration which isn’t truthful and it is not constructive. A true aspiration is when a person desires to actualize his true “I”, to be “who I really am”. Young teenagers have an issue with this and it is difficult to convince them of this reality, because they are in the process of developing their self-concept and therefore they can have a very hard time relating to this).

In summary of the issue, the bigger a person’s aspiration is, or the further it is from his current level, the greater his risk of falling into sadness from this, either because he will despair of actualizing his aspiration, or because his aspiration to reach higher levels causes him to deem his current level as having no value at all.

Clarifying Your Aspirations

Aspirations come from one’s element of fire, which inspires the soul to go higher. But whenever one feels an aspiration to reach higher spiritual level, one first needs to clarify: What, indeed, are my aspirations?

Some people, even if they are in a time of quiet and calmness, when they are asked this question, are still not clear about what they aspire for. They will first need to ask themselves: “What have I been aspiring for, until now?”

Then, a person may discover that whatever he aspires for is not necessarily what he needs to aspire for. So one needs to clarify: “What is it that I aspire for, and what do I actually need to aspire for? And who says I need to aspire for this?”

Most people cannot define clearly their aspirations. When it comes to external aspirations, people may be able to name them. A person may know that he wants to finish a tractate of Gemara, or that he aspires to do a certain act of chessed. But when it comes to internal aspirations, most people cannot name them. What are one’s internal aspirations? It consists of what a person aspires for, as well as why a person is aspiring. After one discovers what his aspirations are, he must then realize that all of his aspirations are really “on condition” that they are true to his soul’s actual capabilities right now. If one discovers that his aspirations are not really for him to reach right now, one needs to be prepared to re-think and re-assess his aspirations.

Then, one needs to clarify what his current level is. This is a fundamental clarification about oneself, and it is difficult, because many people don’t want to admit to their current level, because they prefer to be on a higher one. But one must be honest with himself and become aware of his current spiritual level (madreigah).

When a person isn’t aware of where his current level is, it is as if he doesn’t know where he is standing. How then will he know where he can get to? He must first know where he is currently found! It is impossible for a person to know exactly his current level, but one needs to become as clear about it as possible.

After figuring this out, more or less, one needs to clarify what he aspires for and if it’s really possible right now for him to reach it. The more a person clarifies his current place, and he becomes clearer about his root (which he cannot know completely, because it is very hidden from him), and where he needs to get to, his aspirations become clearer. This will be a gradual process of clarification.

This saves a person from the problem of deeming the current level as worthless. Unlike impaired fire-of-wind-of-earth, which burns up one’s current level and brings him to sadness, a person can instead use fire-of-wind-of-earth on a repaired level, by “burning up” his fantasies so that he can become clearer of what exactly he can aspire for. This is a holy use of the element of fire, as opposed to the impaired, destructive fire. It is when a person realizes that a certain level is not for him to aspire for right now. It may be a level that others are capable of reaching right now, but he personally cannot, and therefore, he realizes that he needs to stop aiming for it. He becomes aware that it’s only in his imagination to reach that level.

Example 1 – Remaining Grounded When Reading Stories of Tzaddikim

Often, a spiritually aspiring person becomes delusional in his aspirations. He may have been inspired by a certain tzaddik he has seen and he wishes to become like the tzaddik, right now. Or, he may have read stories or biographies of tzaddikim, or he heard about these stories from others, and his soul desires very much to be on those levels. Often the stories are exaggerated, but even when they are completely true, the person wishes to be on that level. He wishes to delve into a certain area of Torah that the tzaddik mastered, or he wishes to pass a test that the tzaddik passed.

If one is unstable in his soul, one day he will aspire to be like a certain tzaddik and another day he will want to be like a different tzaddik, and he mixes himself up all the time, because he keeps aspiring for different points. But if one is clearer than this, he is reading or hearing a story of a tzaddik and at first, he becomes aware of his ratzon/will to gain more holiness, but then he clarifies to himself if this level is for him right now to reach. What will happen? He uses his fire-of-wind-of-earth to ‘burn up’ his fantasy, realizing that he cannot attain that higher level right now. As opposed to despairing, or deeming himself as worthless unless he becomes like the tzaddik, he simply becomes aware that his desire to reach higher is not realistic right now. There is nothing here to aspire for, because he cannot reach it.

This is also applicable whenever one notices that another person is on a higher level and he wishes to be on the higher level that the other is on. People with a lot of fire in their souls will become very excited and they will immediately want to become like the tzaddik or like the other person who is on a higher spiritual level than he. Others have a calmer soul and they aren’t as excitable, but they still have a ratzon to go to higher spiritual levels, and they will want to get to the higher level slowly, though not nearly as fast as their fiery counterparts. This all takes place on a subconscious level, of course, because a person is usually not aware of this process of aspirations taking place within him. What happens? Many wishes for more holiness and higher levels ‘pile up’ in his soul, and the person desires to be on many higher levels that he cannot reach right now.

(We are speaking here of spiritual desires, not of physical and material desires.)

Example 2 – Reading Many Sefarim About Growth and Spiritual Improvement

Here is another example. A person desires to enter the world of Avodas Hashem, so he reads through many different sefarim that explain about Avodas Hashem. How many sefarim has one gone through? Any person has probably gone through at least 20 sefarim. Others like to read more and they have gone through a lot of sefarim, while others read less, but any person has read a considerable amount of sefarim by the time he is in adulthood. There are many imprints left on one’s soul from all this. What happens? He has been constantly reminded and awakened to holiness, and he is envious of the higher level of others, even if only subconsciously. As a result, his fire-of-wind-of-earth will naturally get to work, and either he despairs, or he deems his current level as worthless.

In contrast, the true way to react to this is as follows. First of all, when a person reads so many sefarim, it is like pouring too much oil into a fire, which extinguishes the fire. A little bit of oil is good for the fire, but not too much. But even the little amount of sefarim that a person does need to read, must be applied correctly, as follows: When a person reads or hears a story of a tzaddik, he must clarify: “Is this story applicable to me? Is it really for me to work on this and aspire for this?”

When Hearing Stories of Tzaddikim, Clarify Your Current Level

To illustrate further the idea, there is a story that Rav Chaim Soloveitchik zt”l would keep his house open for strangers to come sleep in. His son, the Brisker Rav, related that often he didn’t have his own bed to sleep in, because it was always given away to a stranger to sleep for the night. Once he was writing with a pen, and a pauper came into the house and took away his pen as he was in middle of writing with it, because he needed the pen. When a person hears a story like this, his reaction may be, “Wow, what a level of chessed this was! I need to do this too….”

But most people are not able to do such chessed. If most people would try to do this, they would lose any calmness they have! If a person is already at the level in which he lives for others, this story can be of use to him and help him expand his current level of chessed, but most people are not on such a level, and if they would try to actualize the level described in the above story, they would lose their minds.

In Summary and Conclusion

So, whenever one hears a story about a tzaddik or about any higher spiritual level, he must clarify to himself: “Is this something I can work on? Is it applicable on my current level?” In most cases, it is about a very high level which a person cannot attain right now. One needs to identify his wish to reach higher spiritual levels and then realize that he cannot actualize it right now, because it is not within his current level to do so.

This is the holy, repaired way to use fire-of-wind-of-earth. This is how one can save himself from the sadness that results from the impaired use of fire-of-wind-of-earth, and instead, one reaches the joy of being content with one’s true current place. That is where joy is found, for this is what it means to be “someiach b’chelko”, “happy with one’s share” – as simple as it sounds.