Fixing Your Earth - 010 Solutions for Sadness Caused By Fire-of-Earth

Sadness Due To Fire-of-Earth: The Sadness Caused By Separation

Now we will discuss sadness caused by fire-of-earth, which we have explained before as sadness that stems from a feeling of separation.

There are four types of this kind, as with the others: there is (1) ‘Earth’-of-fire-of-earth, (2) ‘Water’-of-fire-of-earth, (3) ‘Wind’-of-fire-of-earth, and (4) ‘Fire’-of-fire-of-earth.

As we have done in the past, we will go in the order of lowest to highest element, beginning with earth, then water, then wind, and then fire.

Sadness of Mourning (Earth-of-Fire-of-Earth)

Sadness stemming from earth-of-fire-of-earth is the sadness of mourning over someone whom we felt closeness with. The deep source of the sadness of mourning is contained in the verse, “And Hashem mourned in His heart”. Even Hashem “mourns”, so to speak.

On our own level, we also experience the sadness of mourning, when we mourn a loved one. What is behind the sadness of mourning? It is really caused by a feeling of separation. We feel that the deceased has become ‘separated’ from us. Whether the deceased has been separated from us temporarily or permanently from us, we still feel sad, at the feeling of the separation.

The element of earth symbolizes permanence. When we feel that we have become ‘permanently’ separated from another – through his or her death - we are feeling a sadness coming from the aspect of ‘earth’ within our fire-of-earth (separation). Thus, the sadness we feel when we mourn a loved one or someone whom we are close with, is stemming from a dominance of earth-of-fire-of-earth in the soul.

Sadness Over A Severed Connection (Water-of-Fire-of-Earth)

Another kind of sadness is from ‘water’ of fire-of-earth. We explained that this is when a person feels a lack of love in his life. When there is no love, it shows a lack of the element of water. Although it feels like a separation from others, it is not coming an actual separation from others; it is rather coming from a lack of love that we feel from others, which feels to us like a feeling of separation.

This is more of an internal kind of sadness. It is unlike the sadness that comes from the general element of earth, which is to be sad over materialistic reasons, like when someone is sad when he loses an item he was fond of. It is rather a sadness that comes more directly from the soul: when he loses a feeling of connection and love with someone.

This can also be experienced during mourning. Not only is he sad that the other is gone (which stems from earth-of-fire-of-earth); he is sad that the very connection he had with the other is gone.

This is a different element in the sadness of mourning that we spoke about earlier, a sadness stemming from earth-of-fire-of-earth. There, we spoke about the feeling of permanent loss that a person feels, when he is mourning someone whom he was close with.

But there is also a more intense aspect of mourning that a person can feel, in addition to what he’s already feeling: the fact that the death has severed the connection he had with the other person. This comes from the ‘water’ aspect of fire-of-earth, because ‘water’ in the soul is the source of love and connection. The more connected a person feels to another person, the more intense this sadness is.

In the event of mourning, this kind of sadness is a normal kind of feeling, and someone with a dominant amount of water-of-fire-of-earth will feel it strongly.

Severed Relationships

But there are other scenarios in a person’s life in which water-of-fire-of-earth can be manifest, where it is an unhealthy kind of ‘mourning’.

An example of it is a severed friendship. When a person was friends with someone and then the relationship became severed, the one who was ‘dumped’ might feel a very intense kind of sadness – he might feel like he is in mourning. This is an unhealthy feeling which stems from a dominance of water-of-fire-of-earth in the soul, and it is not a ‘holy’ kind of feeling. It needs to addressed and fixed.

If the friendship only ceased because one of them went to go live in a different country, this can be saddening also, but it’s a sadness that comes from earth-of-water-of-fire, because they still have a soul connection, and they are only physically apart. But when a person gets dumped by his friend, it is the soul connection is broken, and the sadness that results from this is more intense; it feels like being in a state of mourning. This is the sadness that comes from an imbalance in the ‘water’ aspect of fire-of-earth.

Physical Connection Vs. Soul Connection

There is another example that brings out the difference between the two kinds of sadness we are describing (earth-of-fire-of-earth and water-of-fire-of-earth).

If a person’s friend dies, and he goes to visit his grave, sometimes, this is greatly consoling to him. There is a certain calming feeling that many people have upon visiting a friend’s grave. What is the deep reason for this? It is because since they know that the body is buried here, this is somewhat comforting, because it feels like they have something to ‘hold on to’ from the relationship.

Someone with a lot of earth-of-fire-of-earth in himself will feel consoled upon visiting the grave, because he has some kind of ‘permanence’ to hold onto in the relationship. But if someone felt a strong soul connection with someone else, he isn’t calmed even when he goes to his friend’s grave, because what does he care that the body is buried here? He has lost the soul connection, and being by the grave doesn’t bring the soul connection back. His sadness stems from water-of-fire-of-earth, which shows that he considers his relationships with others to be soul connections, as opposed to physical connections. Therefore, it is much harder for him to be consoled over a loss of a relationship.

If people are only connected to each other on a physical level, then visiting the grave of the deceased can calm them down, because they will still feel like they are holding on to some ‘physical’ feeling of connection with the deceased. This is, indeed, why most people are comforted upon going to the grave - because most people only have relationships with others on a physical level, a relationship of bodies, and not a relationship of souls.

But when a person is more spiritual in his connection with others, he builds a very strong soul connection with others. The relationship existed on the realm of the spiritual, and the loss of the connection with the other person causes a state of mourning in the person that cannot be comforted just by visiting the grave.

The Solution: Belief In The Future Resurrection

However, this very feeling of sadness contains the key to healing over the loss. When one is sad over the loss of a close friendship (when a friend dies), the love still remains, because although the other person’s body has left the world, there is always a hope in one’s soul that the relationship will return one day in the future. It is painful, but it can still give hope to the person.

If a person has more water in himself than earth, then he needs to be able to hold onto the soul connection, in order to feel consoled. By having emunah in the resurrection of the dead in the future, he can be consoled, because he will be reminded that the connection will return in the future.

Sad Because I’m Being Opposed (Wind-of-Fire-of-Earth)

Another kind of sadness we mentioned is from the ‘wind’ aspect of fire-of-earth. This is when a person encounters clashes with others, and he is sad because of this.

When something he wants is opposing what someone else wants – when he is will is opposing someone else’s, and because of this, he finds himself in a clash with another person – this is apt to make him feel sadness at this. He is feeling sadness (earth) at the clashing of directions (wind) with another, which makes him feel separated (fire) from the other. So this feeling stems from wind-of-fire-of-earth between his will and another’s will.

This is unlike the sadness that comes from the general element wind-of-earth (sadness due to contradicting desires within oneself), which is more intense. Here, we are addressing ‘wind’ within fire-of-earth. Let us explain the difference.

When a person’s sadness is coming from wind-of-earth, then his sadness is coming from the fact that he has encountered some kind of opposition to his will. The way he can stop being sad is by being shown that he’s not in a total opposition.

But someone whose sadness comes from wind-of-fire-of-earth will not be comforted by this, because the very fact that there is still some opposition is what is bothering him. The fact that his ratzon/will is being opposed by another is what makes him sad, and it bothers him that there is even any opposition here at all.

To give an example, if he is in the midst of a family disagreement, and some of the family members get into a heavy machlokes (argument and dissension) with other family members. What happens when there is a family simcha? Normally, everyone pastes a smile on their faces and act as if there is no strife amongst them, so that everything will look fine and so that the guests won’t discover that there’s a family machlokes going on. If someone’s soul is rooted in wind-of earth, he will calm down, because even though he is opposed to his other family members, he is comforted at the fact that they can at least get together on a superficial level and appear as if they’re getting along. He comforts himself with the fact that at least they’re talking to each other.

But if someone contains more wind-of-fire-of-earth in himself, he will not be comforted knowing that his family members are superficially smiling back at him. He is very bothered at the very fact that his will is being opposed in the first place. This makes him very sad inside, and just because everyone in the family is being quiet about it and hiding their dissension, is not a consolation to him. He finds himself inconsolable over the fact that people in the family disagree with what he feels, even though they’re not openly fighting with him.

Sad Because There Is A Lack of Unity

The next scenario of sadness we will discuss is when it is coming from fire-of-fire-of-earth. This is when a person is sad at the very fact that there is strife taking place, which comes from ‘fire’ aspect (within ‘fire-of-earth’), for strife is rooted in fire.

Returning to the above scenario, in which a person is upset over a family dispute, here, the person is not being saddened by the fact that people are in disagreement with him and that they oppose his will. A person with a dominance of fire-of-fire-of-earth is rather upset over the very fact that there is a machlokes (dissension).

He is not necessarily about the fact that the machlokes is causing anything bad. Even if there wouldn’t be any hard feelings between the arguing parties, he is very bothered at the very fact that there is machlokes taking place.

On a deeper level, this kind of sadness is mostly experienced by someone who always wants there to be achdus (unity) in the world, and therefore, any lack of achdus he sees in Creation bothers him. Such a person is bothered even if people aren’t necessarily fighting in the world. He is upset at the fact that the world isn’t unified yet and that there is mostly disparity amongst Creation. He is deeply awaiting the coming of Mashiach, in which achdus will finally be brought to the world, when all of Creation will become unified at last.

The Solutions To Sadness Stemming From Fire-of-Earth

We have described different kinds of sadness that stem from fire-of-earth (which branched out into four divisions: earth, water, wind and fire).

1) Earth-of-Fire-of-Earth: Sadness of Mourning

The first kind of sadness we described in this chapter, which stems from the ‘earth’ aspect of fire-of-earth, is the sadness experienced when we mourn the loss of a loved one. Regularly visiting the grave of the deceased can be comforting for this.

2) Water-of-Fire-of-Earth: Inconsolable Over A Loss

The second kind of sadness we described, which stems from the ‘water’ aspect of fire-of-earth, is when we experience a sense of deep loss when we mourn a loved one. The solution to this [which we already mentioned], is for a person to deeply believe in the future techiyas hemeisim (the revival of the dead), which will give a person hope that one day the relationship will return again.

3) Wind-of-Fire-of-Earth: Sad When I’m Opposed

When someone is sad because he feels opposed by others (wind-of-fire-of-earth), the solution to this kind of anxiety is two-fold.

Firstly, he needs to minimize what he wants into one single will. He should try letting go of his many desires, and instead concentrate himself on one particular will that he wants in life. This will lessen his chances of being opposed by others. By lessening all the things he wants in his life, he avoids many would-be confrontations with others, because the chances of him getting opposed will now be much less.

The second part of what he needs to do is deeper. He must deeply realize the words of Chazal, “Just all faces are not the same, so are all de’os (opinions) not the same.” One must know that this world is full of many opinions, and therefore, disagreements are very normal. The person should lovingly accept this fact that Hashem has implanted in the design of Creation. In fact, for whatever reason, Hashem wants it that way, that people should disagree with each other.

When we deeply accept this, it is a deep form of consolation.

4) Fire-of-Fire-of-Earth: Sad At Disputes

The fourth kind of sadness we mentioned is sadness that a person feels whenever there is dissension and disputes taking place. This stems from fire-of-fire-of-earth in the soul. Here, the person is mainly upset at the lack of unity in the world, which is intensified at a time of strife.

To soothe himself, he can contemplate the concept of “Ain Ad Milvado” – “there is nothing except Him (Hashem)”. The deeper layer of Creation, which we cannot plainly see, is that there is nothing other than Hashem’s Presence. Therefore, all of Creation is really unified, in essence. It is just that we cannot see it. By believing more in the unity of the world that is contained in the deeper dimension of this world - Ain Oid Milvado – we can slowly internalize, more and more, that all is unified.

In the deeper layer to reality, there is really achdus (unity), in the world - even now in our times, when we see much strife taking place. Although it doesn’t appear that way, the achdus is there, albeit not perfectly; it will be revealed fully in the future, when its full reality will be revealed. But even now, before it has been fully revealed, there is still some degree of achdus in Creation - because Hashem’s Presence fills everything: “There is no place that is empty from Him.”

When one believes firmly in this concept and he feels it, this can heal the sadness he feels over the lack of unity and the dissension and strife that he sees on This World.

In Conclusion

We have laid out the outline of 16 kinds of sadness, as well as their specific solutions.

Each person who hears\reads these words will have to personally figure out what his own personal source of sadness is, and this can take a long time until it is discovered.

In addition, what a person also needs to do is to see all of this information we have said at its root – where it is in the Torah and in the words of Chazal^[1]. Meaning, in whichever aspect you are studying here, you need to research it fully, seeing all the background of it in the words of Chazal, so that you can become well-versed in the particular area of the soul that you are trying to rectify.

This is based on the words of Reb Yisrael Salanter, that a person working to improve a certain area of himself needs to learn that part in the Torah which speaks about the issue.  This will provide you with two gains. First of all, it is a “segulah” – it is a spiritual method which will draw you closer to the desired results. Secondly, it will serve to help you gain clarity in these matters, as opposed to merely knowing about them superficially.

 So besides for trying to work on these matters, you need to learn about them in-depth. You will need to research the verses of the Torah and the words of Chazal that pertain to each of these subjects we discussed here. This can take several months of learning. If you do so, you will see a clearer picture of the information, and you are much closer to a truer avodah [of fixing your middos].

If one just tries to implement any of these solutions without studying the roots of this information in the Torah and Chazal, then he will be lacking clarity to his situation. We cannot say it is pointless, but it will be an incomplete picture if a person doesn’t see how this information is contained in the words of Torah and Chazal.