- בלבבי ה_עמוד ע_סוד החיים
070 The Secret of Life
- בלבבי ה_עמוד ע_סוד החיים
Bilvavi Part 5 - 070 The Secret of Life
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בלבבי. חלק ה. סוד החיים עמ' ע'-פו
Loving Hashem and Feeling His Love For Us: Part Two:The Secret of Life
23.
What is a secret?
What is a secret? Let’s give an example. Reuven wants to sell his house, but he hasn’t told anyone yet. No one knows of his plans except himself. Is this a secret? No. Why? Because if he would tell everyone, everyone knows. The fact that only Reuven knows is not really a secret; he just happens to be the only one who knows of it.
What is a true secret? The holy sefarim tell us that a true secret is when a soul reaches a level that can only be reached when it is purified. A true secret is the heart’s secret, an inner secret.
24.
The secret of life
What is the secret of life? It appears that many already know it. However, only rare individuals “know” it, and that is why it is a secret.
First of all, what is the secret? The Mesillas Yesharim writes, “And if you reflect on the matter more you will see that true perfection is attachment to Hashem, and it is what King David said (Tehillim 73: 28), “And as for me, closeness to Hashem is good.” And it says (ibid 27: 4), “One thing I request from Hashem: That I dwell in Hashem’s House all my life, to see the glory of Hashem.” For only this is good, and anything else that people say is good is nothing but nonsense….”
Here it is revealed to us what the secret of life is.
Anyone who really understands these words understands what the secret of life is. Anyone who doesn’t -- he can carry out all of the Torah’s commandments in all its details, but he doesn’t grasp what life is about: that life on this world -- and the inner, eternal life -- is one and the same.
How many people have read those words of the Mesillas Yesharim? Thousands, ten thousand – and more. Yet how many grasp the truth? That’s a big question.
25.
Why this is the secret of life
If you ask someone what is means to be attached and close to Hashem, as the Mesillas Yesharim spoke about, you will get many answers.
Some will answer that the Sages already spoke of the matter, when they explained that the mitzvah of “And you will cleave to Him” doesn’t mean that one should try to cleave to Hashem’s Presence, but rather by cleaving to the attributes of Hashem, such as that He is merciful. People claim that this is called attachment to Hashem.
Others answer that attachment to Hashem means by attaching oneself to a Torah scholar and righteous person, which is what the Sages say to do, in explaining the verse of “And you will cleave to Him.”
Others quote the words of Maharal that it means to totally rely on Hashem.
However, all of these answers do not explain to us the secret of life. They are all totally true, and they are the words of the holy Sages. But they are only explanations found in one’s mind. True attachment to Hashem involves one’s heart, one’s soul – they are real feelings, not just an intellectual understanding of what it means to be attached to Hashem.
Attachment to Hashem is an actual feeling one can sense. Just as one can touch a table or chair and feel it, so can one feel and have a sense for Hashem. Before a person ever feels Hashem, it is a secret to him.
How can I feel Hashem? He has no body. But there is a God-like sense placed into one’ soul, and it called a “portion of G-d, from above.” This part can feel its deeper part of the soul – Hashem Himself.
This is why it is the secret of life; it can only be given to one who has perfected it, and it cannot be explained, only sensed. No parable can attempt to explain it; a parable is physical matter, while feeling Hashem is entirely Godliness.
26.
Desiring to be close to Hashem
After one merits to feel Hashem, he can feel a love for Him in his heart, and it is a bond of friendship with Hashem, a companionship with Him, a seclusion with Him. It is a much stronger bond than two human beings who have a connection. It is the true friendship that has no comparison. When one loves Hashem, he loves Him more than anything. He is connected to Him more than he is connected to anything else, and he can feel Him more than anything else he feels. It is an inner feeling in the soul, and anyone who hasn’t reached it cannot comprehend it if it is explained to him. But anyone who reached it knows with absolute clarity what it is.
Our senses for physical matters are external, and those senses are therefore not so reliable. But the inner sense for Hashem is a much stronger sense. It is the inner meaning of life, and the secret of life.
Whoever hasn’t experienced it yet needs to pray and cry to Hashem that he merit to understand this – life, the secret of life, closeness to Hashem and being attached to Hashem. He should weep incessantly, day after day, month after month, and year after year until Hashem hears and accepts his request. His heart will by then be purified and he can reach it.
One who doesn’t attain it not only loses out on knowing the facts, but is lacking a major understanding in his soul. But one who attains this can feel Hashem totally, and he can have a true friendship with Him, and speak with Him just like he does with any friend.
This is the inner meaning of life, and it is the purpose of life – to be close to Hashem.
27.
Conditional love and then unconditional love
To summarize: just as in our regular relationships, we need to begin a relationship by first recognizing our friend, and afterwards we can slowly build up a connection and strengthen love, so it is with our relationship with Hashem; first our soul needs to recognize Him, and actually relate to Him; only after this can we start to have an inner connection to Him, a connection of love and friendship.
This needs a proper structure, because many good people find it hard to start serving Hashem right away. We will explain how to go about this: first a person needs to know how to love Hashem, conditionally. Then one needs to work on recognizing Him, and only afterwards can a person work on loving Him unconditionally.
If one loves Hashem only conditionally, he is not guaranteed to recognize Him.
One who can start serving Hashem right away is well off. But a person has to clarify first if he truly is able to start serving Hashem – or if he’s fooling himself.
28.
Reflecting on Hashem
We should explain the root of this matter. The Mesillas Yesharim writes (Chap. 19), “One is actually standing in front of the Creator and dealing with Him, although He cannot be seen by human eyes. One can see that it is very difficult for a person in his heart to form an image of Him, for he is not being helped by any of his senses. However one who has a proper mind can establish in his heart the truth of this matter, with a little contemplation and reflection in his heart, how he is conversing with Him, and that from Him he is beseeching, and that He is attentive and listening to his words just as when one speaks to his friend and his friend listens.”
Similarly, the Chazon Ish (Letters Vol. 1: 23) writes, “It is a difficult job to do in Tefillah, to imagine vividly how Hashem is listening to our words and being attentive to the thoughts in our hearts.”
Let us reflect well on these words.
The Mesillas Yesharim above wrote of “one who has a proper mind.” What does a person have to do? He has to have a little contemplation and reflect in his heart the truth of the matter. But what should one do if he does not have a proper mind? Most of us don’t; we try to picture Hashem vividly in our hearts, but we can’t. What should one do if he wants to feel the Creator? Should he think that everything he does has what to do with Hashem? It is not enough to just reflect a little. We need to thus explain more how to succeed.
29.
Everything a person needs is already present in one’s soul
First we will quote the words of the Ramchal and then we will try to explain them. He writes in sefer “Derech Eitz Chaim” that “Wisdom was already given by Hashem into our hearts, but in order to be strong in it one needs the mouth to sustain it and give it energy, so that it will become a fire, just as when we blow on fire with our mouth. When we blow with our mouth, wisdom is fused and we can see that this knowledge was here all along, except that until now we could not see it. This can only be done only with the energy that comes from the Mouth from above.”
Here the Ramchal is telling us an awesome secret. He is speaking of wisdom, but his words can be applied to much more than that. He is telling us that the soul really knows a lot. The soul already has everything it needs to know: wisdom, knowledge, understanding, feelings, love of Hashem, awe of Hashem and attachment to Hashem. But what is the problem? Everything is hidden deep inside in the soul, and it needs to come out. No one has to do anything new; everything is already there inside the soul! A person’s job is to bring it all out from within his soul.
30.
Uncovering the soul
This is a deep matter.
It is a mistake to think that one needs to acquire knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, or love of Hashem, etc. No one has to “get” anything new. Anything a person needs is already inside one’s soul, but it is just hidden.
A person needs to work on uncovering and revealing his soul by removing the outer layers that cover his abilities. A person can reveal from himself a world of great wealth: knowledge, wisdom, understanding, love of Hashem, awe of Hashem and attachment to Hashem. It is not just mere knowledge, and it must change one’s whole system of doing things. It is not our job to acquire new abilities, but rather to reveal one’s own potential. A person needs to search deep within himself for it.
This is the general idea, and we will try to explain it more.
31.
Uncovering the soul’s potential – through the mouth
How does one bring his inner potential out of himself? The Ramchal has revealed how.
The way to do this is though one’s mouth! The Ramchal wrote that one needs to “blow with his mouth.” Contemplating a matter deeply is not the main thing; the main thing is the mouth. If a person utilizes his mouth, he is giving a lasting effect to what he does; if not, it is very hard to do so. Anything we need to do is already hidden in us, and all we have to do is reveal it through our mouth, with speech. If we want to acquire anything, it is through our mouth.
Now we will explain how to use the mouth and bring out our inner potential.
32.
Conditional love and unconditional love
A person can love in two different ways.
1) Conditional love. The holy sefarim tell us that this is a love that has to do with any reason, or knowledge. It is to love something for a specific reason.
Let’s say a person loves Hashem because of He performs great actions, or because He gives one what he needs. He is loving Hashem – because he has a reason to. This is conditional love, a love that has to do with reason or knowledge. It is a love that can be explained on an intellectual level.
2) Unconditional love. This is true love. Love is ahavah, which has the same numerical value as echad, which is one. True love is to be one with the beloved. When one loves another and feels as if he is part of him, he loves him even if there is no intellectual reason.
If a person wants to awaken from within himself the conditional love for Hashem, he needs to use his intellect. But when a person wants to awaken unconditional love for Hashem from within himself, he needs to awaken his bond with Hashem. This cannot come from the intellect; it must come from a simplicity found in the soul. Simplicity is temimus, which comes from the word “Tomim”; it means to be “perfect”. One who wants to awaken his perfection needs to awaken his simplicity.
(Really the best way to serve Hashem is by first recognizing Him and then loving Him, even by loving Him conditionally. However, every person is different. We have chosen to first speak about conditional love before recognizing Him, and everyone on his own should choose what way is best for him.)
33.
Setting aside time for this
Now we will explain how to awaken both types of love found in one’s soul, and how to reveal them.
First, a person needs to set aside time where he can sit alone with Hashem; he shouldn’t be around people. He should then begin to speak to Him.
There are different ways of talking to Him, depending on if one loves Hashem conditionally or unconditionally. We will start with the lower level, which is conditional love, and we will say examples of it, but one can expand on his own according to his own understanding.
34.
Talking with Hashem in first-person
(Before continuing, one should read our opening words.)
A person sits in solitude with Hashem actually talks to Him, just as the Chofetz Chaim would do every day when he would leave his house, for two hours. This is what one should do: He opens his mouth to speak to Hashem, and says, “Ribono shel olam, who created me? You created me a long time ago, and You have not forgotten me for even one second. Who is keeping me alive since I am born? You! You, and only You! You keep me alive every second, even now when I stand before You. Master of the world, what do You give me? First of all, you five me air to breathe every second; life itself! If for one second you won’t sustain me, I would die, G-d forbid. You never forget me for even one second. Every second you are thinking about me and renewing me with life. As soon as I was born, You didn’t let me remain unclothed; no – You gave me people to constantly take care of me, to worry for me and put clothing on me.
“Additionally, You gave me a place to rest – my crib! You gave me pillows and blankets to keep me warm. You worried about my food from as soon as I was born, and as soon as I was hungry You didn’t leave me; you worried that I should have a mother who would feed me every day for hours. You worried that my parents raise me responsibly, and always worried about me as I grew up. You have worried for personally in all Your Honor that I not lack anything. You also worried for me by giving me the ability to inform others about anything that bothers me, by giving me the ability to cry. Without this ability I would go through so much pain but no one would ever know. You worried for me by letting me digest properly, an awesome wonder. You worried for me by letting me reach items I wanted and play with them. You worried for me that I should be able to walk; if not for that, I would be lame until today. I know how painful it is not to be able to walk. You worried for me by giving me friends to play with, and if not for that I would have been terribly lonely.”
All of these things should be thought about well, until a person reveals everything that goes on in his life to Hashem. One should talk to Hashem in a first-person language. He should say, “You worry about me” in all aspects of his life.
He should always talk to Him, saying, “Ribono shel olam, I can see that You love me and worry for me so much. If a person would worry for me this much, I would thank him, and so I am thanking You as well. I love You for worrying about me so much and for all that You do for me. However, Master of the World, I feel as if my love for You is miniscule in comparison to what I really owe You for what You gave me and for how much You love me. I beseech You, Ribono shel olam, that I be able to truly love You, that my soul should truly feel all the good You do for me, and this should awaken in me a proper love for You. Ribono shel olam, I feel so low that You love me so much and think about me all the time, while I do not always feel all the time that You love me. I know it in my mind, but I don’t feel it. I beseech You that my feelings for You should not be so dim, that my love for You should be alive and burn in me, that it should be a part of my life, that I never forget it, that it should live in my heart every second.”
In this way a person should pray, beg, and cry to Hashem that he should merit loving Him. Everyone according to his level should pray in this way, and do so every day.
There are many people who find it too hard to do this every day. They feel like they’re just repeating words. One must approach this with a holy kind of simplicity. Do you think Hashem can’t stand you? Do you think Hashem feels the same as you do – that you’re just repeating it? If a person would reach the understanding that Hashem thinks about him all the time – as well as right this second, as he stands before Him – then it won’t be hard for one to pray to Him again and again, that he loves Him and has thanks to Him.
When one doesn’t feel like doing this, he should become stubborn and not give up. If one doesn’t feel anything, he should beseech Hashem saying, “Ribono shel olam, I want to love You and remember all that You do for me every day, in order to awaken my love for You. But I have no desire, and it is not enjoyable for me. I am ashamed of myself and my situation. Have pity on me, purify my heart from its blockage, give it life. I feel ashamed of my situation of not loving You. Have pity on me for being so low and for not loving You like I should. Show me the way how to love You, awaken my heart that I be able to remember Your goodness that You do for me.”
One should pray according to his abilities. Whatever the case is, no one should ever give up! Giving up is like giving a divorce to Hashem – Heaven forbid.
On a day that a person succeeds in speaking to Him with love, he should be thankful. On a day that one is not successful in doing so, he should beseech Hashem and cry over it with Hashem. But either way, there should never be a day that goes by without any of this.
One has to be very stubborn with this; the Vilna Gaon said that a very stubborn person (in spiritual matters) will succeed.
We will mention two conditions necessary to succeed in this.
1) One needs to speak to Hashem about things he can feel at least a little. He shouldn’t speak to Him about things that he merely knows in his mind but not in his heart. He needs to have a little feeling for anything he says. A person needs to pray as well for this: that the words he is saying should come from his heart. If he only speaks of things that he knows in his mind but not what he feels in his heart, nothing will come of it. One must feel what he is talking about. The least a person can do is want even a little of what he speaks about.
2) One also needs to speak with Hashem in first-person – “You” -- and not in third person, “Him.” In order to form a personal connection with Hashem, we need to address Him in first-person. To speak to Him in third-person causes one to distance himself from getting close to Him.
35.
Talking to Hashem in a private, secluded place
After a person works hard on this for a long time, and truly acquires in his soul the feeling of love for Hashem, he must now continue in this way by secluding himself in his room, opening his mouth, saying, “Ribono shel olam, I know and believe that You are here, and that at this moment You are standing next to me, but I don’t feel it. Let me merit that I should feel that You are with me.”
One should pray like this from the depths of his heart every day, week, and month, and not slacken off. Every day one needs to set aside time to be alone with Hashem and pour out his heart to Him that he should merit to truly recognize Him, and truly feel Him.
After one gets used to this for some time one should be able to see from all his words if he feels Hashem. Yet a person is in danger in this way, for one has to be careful that he is not being fooled by his imagination. One needs to be very careful that his feelings are not just imagination. If one feels Hashem, then good; if he doesn’t, he should pray to Him that he should, but he shouldn’t push himself to see if he feels him.
If a person pushes hard to feel Hashem, he will fall into a fantasy. True feelings for Hashem come from an inner calm, from a “soft, subtle voice (kol demamah dakkah)”, which is a very refined feeling, and not from anything external.
36.
Be stubborn with this
One should be very stubborn in this. A person can work on it for a long time and still not feel anything, yet he should never give up. One should be strong- minded in it, because in the end Hashem will have mercy on him and make Himself revealed to his heart, where he will feel Him totally.
Hashem specifically tests a person in this aspect: to see if he will become stubborn, and to see how much he will want to feel his Creator. If he gives up in middle of the way, he is giving up all of life’s inner meaning, the ability to feel Hashem. Only one whose heart is totally trustworthy in Hashem that He won’t hold back good from those who are wholesome in serving Him will succeed.
One should be stubborn in this way, day after day, beseeching Hashem, “I want to feel You”, or “My whole desire is to feel You and be close to You”, and surely then it will be realized that “Hashem is close to all who call out to Him, to all who call to Him in truth.” A Jew who truly wants to feel Hashem and be close to Him and is stubborn in begging Hashem for this will definitely merit to feel Hashem.
To be stubborn means to be persistent, again and again, and to never give up. This is the secret to success: to truly believe in Hashem that He will hear one’s prayers every day. Anyone who goes in this way and doesn’t give up will merit to truly recognize Hashem, and be very close to Him.
One should try every day to set aside at least a half hour or hour every day for this. Then Hashem will merit him that he will truly feel Him.
37.
Strengthening the friendship with Hashem
After one merits to truly feel Hashem (at first one feels Him a little, and eventually he feels Him much more), it is then his job to form a connection to Hashem. Just like regular friends start out by first recognizing each other and then forming a friendship as time goes on, so in one’s relationship with Hashem a person first recognizes Him and then goes on to form a loving bond with Him.
38.
Feeling Hashem
Now we need to explain how to form this connection of friendship with the Creator.
In order to form a lasting bond with Hashem, one has to make sure that he recognizes Hashem as a real entity and not just as imagination. If one recognizes Hashem only in his imagination, then everything is built on his imagination, which is a problem.
Many people think they already feel Hashem, for they already recognize Him. If you will ask any of them if they feel Hashem, they will right away respond, “Sure!” One will say because he prays specifically to feel Hashem. Another will say that he learns in depth and can therefore feel Hashem after learning, since he feels how great the Torah is. Another will answer that when he rejoices on Purim he connects to Hashem unbelievably. Many answers are given – each according to his own.
However, although all these feelings that people have are tremendous feelings, there is still a huge difference between recognizing Hashem and feeling Hashem. It is difficult to explain the difference in writing, but anyone who has merited to recognize Him knows the difference between true recognition and feeling Him as opposed to a mere elated feeling. True recognition and feeling Hashem is not a mere elated feeling of awe. A true feeling for Hashem means that one senses Hashem as real as he can sense a table or chair. It is a feeling that Hashem actually exists, just as anything else exists.
If one’s recognition of Hashem is not properly structured, but merely a fleeting feeling, then whatever is built upon it won’t last. Many fall short in this area. People can spend their whole lives being enthusiastic and speaking of how much they love Hashem. But it doesn’t help much, because they don’t truly recognize Hashem, because they think that Hashem is in Heaven, while they are merely on earth…
39.
Feeling Hashem more and more
When a person merits to truly feel the Creator, first he feels Him as “His Glory fills the earth,” or “Hashem is always next to me.” The Rambam says that this means that people can feel Hashem as an actual entity, and wherever one goes he actually feels Hashem with him.
After this level, when a person is more purified, he can begin to feel Hashem in his heart. He doesn’t just feel Hashem in his physical heart, but on the inner dimension of his heart – this is called “I will build a sanctuary in my heart.” (“Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh”.)
When a person is even more purified, he feels as if he’s actually standing right in front of Hashem, and this is the state called “Hashem spoke to them face to face” (Devorim 5: 4).
When a person purifies himself even more, he merits to feel that he himself is a part of Hashem, as it says, “A portion of the living G-d is with him.” This level can be reached and is hidden in every Jew’s soul, because everyone stood at the mountain by Sinai. It is covered over in many layers and remains hidden in the soul, and it is one’s duty to uncover it and reveal that inner power to feel Hashem, “As a man speaks to his friend.”
40.
Levels of feeling Hashem
We can give a parable to this, although the lesson is not exactly equal to the example. A person is talking on the phone. There can all sorts of scenarios:
1) He is talking with someone he doesn’t know.
2) He is talking with someone he knows, but he is far away in another continent.
3) He is talking to someone on the same continent.
4) He is talking to someone who lives in the same city.
5) He is talking to someone who lives in his own complex.
6) He is talking to someone on the same street he lives on.
7) He is talking to someone who lives in his building.
8) He is talking to someone who lives next door, in the same building.
9) He is speaking to someone who is in his room, but he is in a big room and can only talk to him on a phone.
10) He is speaking with someone face to face, without a telephone.
Just as there levels in conversations, so are there levels in how one feels Hashem. The highest level is to actually feel Hashem in one’s heart.
41.
Don’t fool yourself
One needs to cry many tears to Hashem that he should not become deluded by his imagination. When he recognizes Hashem, it should be a true recognition that comes from the depths of the soul – and not from one’s imagination. If one falls into this mistake, he can lives his whole life with enthusiasm for Hashem, yet he is fooling himself – Hashem should save us from this.
Generally speaking, there are signs of how we can tell this. It is written, “Hashem is not in an earthquake or in a great wind, but rather in a soft, subtle voice.” (Melachim I: 19, 41). If a person doesn’t properly recognize Hashem he cannot recognize Him in a “soft, subtle voice.” A person can also fool himself that he has the signs, and therefore he must beg Hashem to make him realize the truth.
42.
Developing unconditional love for Hashem
After a person truly recognizes Hashem, he should now open up a bond of friendship with Him – an unconditional love. There are many ways to acquire love for Hashem.
The Rambam writes (Yesodei HaTorah 2:2), “What is the way for a person to love Hashem? One should reflect on His actions and awesome creations.”
Sefer HaChinuch says that through learning Torah, one can recognize the greatness of Hashem and come to love Him.
There are many other ways prescribed to us as well. However, it is very difficult to use the advice given, because in earlier generations, people were so purified in their minds that it was enough for them to just reflect on creation or learn Torah for Hashem’s sake. We, on the hand, are like orphans; our minds and hearts are dulled, and it is very difficult to find someone who learns Torah for its own sake alone. We need to realize how to love Hashem even in our pitiful, closed up situation.
43.
Feeling like being a part of Hashem
Now we need to explain the way how to awaken our unconditional love for Hashem. What is the root of unconditional love? To be one with the Creator.
Hashem is our Father and we are His children. Just as a child is a part of his father and comes from his father, from his very essence, so are we a part of Hashem, so to speak. We come from Him – from the radiance of His light.
So in order to feel this love, we need to feel as if we are a part of Him, a part of His Godliness. In order to reveal this love, one needs to reveal the very essence of our soul, which is a “portion of G-d from above”.
44.
Pray to Hashem like He is Your Father
Now we will explain how to reveal the very essence of one’s soul – the part of the soul that is a son to Hashem, the part which is a portion of G-d from above.
One needs to designate time with Hashem in a quiet, empty place and begin to talk to Hashem, saying: “Ribono shel olam, what is Your connection to me? You are my precious Father, and how great is my merit that I am your child, that You have merited me that You are my Father. But Father, although I have feelings for You that You are my Father and I am Your child, I don’t feel it in my heart. Sometimes I feel it less and sometimes more, but I am not actually living with it. I can relate to my physical father, but You I cannot feel as my Father. I want to feel that You are, but it is difficult for me, and I forget how. Father, I am so ashamed that I don’t feel this way. Even when I do remember, I don’t really feel it; it’s just a thought in my mind. Father, I am asking of You one thing: that I should feel that You are my Father, that I am Your child. I am not asking of You anything else – just this.
“Father, how much pain would I have if my own son would forget that I am his father, who gave birth to him and raised him, how much pain I would have if he were to forget his own roots. Therefore I don’t want to cause You pain by forgetting I am Your child; I need to feel it in my heart.
“Father, it pains me that even as I talk to You I still do not feel like You are my Father. Who can help me with this? Who can help me feel that You are my precious Father? Only You! Therefore I ask of You and beg of You that You have pity on me, that I should be able to feel You, that I should feel that You are my Father, and that I shouldn’t forget this, and that I should relate to You as to my own physical parents.”
In this manner everyone should pray at length, each according to his own style. A common denominator in everyone’s prayers is that they should be every day, and no one should give up. One needs to really beg Hashem for this and not slacken off from it. If he does this, eventually he will merit to feel Hashem as his Father, who hears his requests and answers him.
One should have no doubts that eventually he will feel this way. One who persists with this and always prays like this, every day, will merit to have a pure heart that feels its father, a heart that loves his father. One needs to only remember two conditions: 1) To speak from his heart. 2) To speak to Hashem in first-person.
May Hashem help all those who truly seek Him, who are seeking their Father; if one does so, his Father will surely reveal Himself to him, and one will feel just as a child enjoys his own father.
NOTE: Final english versions are only found in the Rav's printed seforim »