Fixing Your Fire [Conceit] - 008 Loss of Normal Routine

Fire-of-Water-of-Fire: Extreme Jumps

With the help of Heaven, we continue to discuss the element of fire; currently we are discussing water-of-fire, and we are up to discussing fire-of-water-of-fire. Fire is the root of ascension, and the ‘water’ aspect of fire is when the fire\ascension is jumpy.  We can see this as well from the nature of physical fire and water when they meet, whereupon sparks ensue and the fire jumps and skips around. Fire-of-fire-of-water is when one jumps to a higher place than where it was before, due to the extremity in the movement of the fire.

We can relate to this from situations in our life where we suddenly jump to a highly charged emotional state. Sometimes we do this by choice and sometimes we are simply thrown into such situations against our will: our movements become extreme and jumpy.

For example, if a person suddenly has a joyous occasion, he might become full of extreme emotion, and he will do things that are not normal because he has become so emotional. He will exhaust his soul in the process as he makes heavy use of his soul’s energy; his fire-of-water-of-fire becomes dominant.

In this case, one has not chosen to enter the situation, and he rather finds himself placed in such a situation against his own will. But in other cases, a person will deliberately choose to enter a highly charged emotional state. For example, when a person is davening, and he is pouring out his heart as he davens with emotion, he might become so passionate that his soul actually becomes imbalanced from all of the movement and enthusiasm that he’s dragged after.

1) Loss of Seder (Orderliness)

In the earlier lessons, we explained the concept of ratzu v’shov (running and returning). The ratzu v’shov concept must be especially applied to situations of fire-of-water-of-fire, where a person becomes very emotional.  

Whenever we become very emotionally and spiritually excited, we have to make sure that the excitement isn’t causing us to go too far past our normal point of “ratzu”. As it was explained, there are levels of ratzu; there is a point of ratzu that is within your reach and a point of ratzu that is above your normal level. Whenever you are excited, you have to make sure that it is not going too far past your normal point of “ratzu”, or else your soul will become exhausted from all of the energy it using, because you will be going way above your normal capacity.

Why is this so? It is because there is a normal seder (order of routine) that Hashem wants the world to run in. When a person lives properly, the concept of seder is central to his life. A person has to make sure that he is not taken out of his normal seder, and if he is, he must make sure to get himself back to it, or else he will get thrown out of balance.

Some people do not like the idea of seder. Even if they exert themselves in areas of Torah and are exceptionally bright and talented, they do not have seder in their life, and instead they live according to their own rules, rather than conforming to an established system. Such a person intentionally digresses from the normal seder of life and he feels that this is actually the way things need to be. He feels that always having to conform to an established seder every day is placing him into a confine that stifles his soul and that it doesn’t allow them to fully utilize his potential.

But if one is familiar with the words of our great teachers concerning the matter of seder, and especially the works of Kelm, which greatly emphasized the importance of seder, he is aware the concept of seder is one of the most central aspects of life. When we keep to a specific schedule every day, it is an external form of seder, and the purpose of it is to bring us to reach an inner kind of seder within ourselves. Thus, external seder is a tool that helps us get to inner seder - which is the purpose of the entire idea of seder.

The more a person keeps to external seder every day, the more he can arrive at inner seder within himself, and with this, a person receives greater and greater clarity of the inner and spiritual dimension. In contrast, when there is inner confusion about one’s inner world, everything seems foggy and unclear.

Seder is needed in the simple sense in order to make it in the physical world, by sticking to a normal schedule. But its inner use is to give orderliness to our soul’s abilities, which enables us to live with inner clarity and sharp awareness towards life.

Thus, when a person is having extreme spiritual jumps, his soul is going through extreme kinds of movements, and he being taken out of seder as he does this. It is then very hard to return to one’s normal seder afterwards.

The Detrimental Effects of Summer ‘Bein HaZemanim’ Pastimes

To give an example, the summer is spent with all kinds of trips and activities - and usually these are very extreme kinds of activities. Then the boy or girl returns to yeshiva or seminary in Elul, and it is very hard to get back into routine and concentrate on their studies. They are back to seder after they have been on vacation, where they experienced all kinds of extreme movement [both external and internal], and it is very hard for them to get back into a normal seder, when they have just been taken out of it for such an extended period of time.

This is particularly a problem with summer bein hazemanim, as opposed to the breaks of Pesach and Sukkos. The bein hazemanim of Pesach is filled with busy preparations, and people are helping out in their homes; and bein hazemanim of Sukkos is still fresh after Yomim Noraim, so there is some seriousness in the air. But the summer is a time where many people leave the entire idea of seder entirely, as they engage in all kinds of activities and pastimes that completely take a person out of the normal routine of the year. It can make a person loses his entire sense of normal seder in life.

Obviously, Hashem wants us to have bein hazemanim, where we take a break from the normal seder of the year, and we need to have times of the year where we take it easier. But we have to make sure that the breaks we are taking are not too extreme.

If the break would be a slight divergence from the normal seder of the year, it would be fine. But when the break is an extreme movement away from the regular seder of the year, it is very hard to get a person back into the normal seder. A person can lose his entire Yomim Noraim because of this. But it is not just a problem that affects Yomim Noraim – it is a problem that affects all year round.

There are always times in our life where we go through more extreme kinds of movements, because that is the way Hashem has designed our life. But it is our responsibility to make sure that the extremes aren’t so dramatically extreme.

I’m not even talking about the falls from ruchniyus (spirituality) that people having during Bein HaZemanim by running after so much gashmiyus (materialism).There is a more subtle problem: the nature of Bein HaZemanim is largely different than how a person behaves during the rest of the year, and it can entirely throw a person out of balance in his soul. It causes a person to lose his idea of normal seder.

So besides for the spiritual damage that a person may incur during Bein HaZemanim (depending on what kind of activities he pursues), there is also a danger of losing the entire structure of the soul that a person has worked so hard on during the year to build.

Although we are inevitably placed in situations which cause us to move out of our normal seder, and there are always extreme situations in our life, we have to make sure that it shouldn’t be too extreme. When it comes to prayer, a person might become too emotional and extreme that he finds it hard to return to the normal seder of life afterwards.

Avoiding Extremities and Returning To Routine

If a person will do something which he knows will take him out of his normal seder and make it very hard for him to return to seder, he should consider it forbidden to do.

To be clearer about this, even before a person engages in activities that are not of the regular seder, a person must know how he can return to his normal seder of life afterwards. The Rambam says that a person is only allowed to interrupt learning Torah for a mitzvah only if he can calmly return to his learning afterwards. We learn from his words that one must make sure not to get taken out of routine, and if he does have to leave routine, he must know how to get back.

There will always be times where we are thrown out of routine, but we must try to make sure that they won’t be so extreme, so that we will have an easier time returning to routine afterwards.

2) Loss of Thinking

There is also another issue with fire-of-water-of-fire (extreme and jumpy movement): When a person acts extreme, he loses his calm state of mind and he cannot think properly.

Learning Torah on a regular basis and living a life of Torah thought enables a person to live life like a true Torah scholar, which builds and develops his power of thought. But when a person’s fire-of-water-of-fire becomes dominant, he has bursts of extreme action, and this in turn weakens his mental powers; he will find that he cannot think properly afterwards.

The world is driving towards this direction, even though it is so detrimental to our minds. Many people like to pursue extreme action, which dulls the mind. It is all a heavy use of fire-of-water-of-fire.

This is unlike the nature of most desires. With most desires, it is the pleasure which is being sought; this stems from the element of water. But here we are talking about the enjoyment in people to pursue extreme actions which completely dull the senses, where people lose their senses entirely. This is not pleasure for the sake of pleasure (water), but a pleasure in the loss of the senses, where a person temporarily loses his mind. This is the idea of fire-of-water-of-fire.

When people go on a ferris wheel and they become dizzy, they are temporarily losing their minds, forgetting where they are. This is a pleasure in a loss of the senses, not a mere desire to seek pleasure. It is a much more extreme pursuit of pleasure, because the whole point of such activity is to engage in extreme movement that makes a person lose his ability of thought. If he reaches the point where he can’t think straight, he finds this pleasurable!

Even if a person never gets to a point where he loses his power of thought, a life of pursuing extreme activity does not allow a person to live a life of exertion in Torah and to have clarity in one’s learning. A person might go to certain places during Bein HaZemanim which make him lose his power to think, and he doesn’t even know what’s so bad. This is besides for all of the immodesty and other spiritual problems of going places during Bein HaZemanim.

So if one wants to gauge his use of fire-of-water-of-fire, he must make sure that he never pursues activities which make him lose his daas (mental awareness). If one truly wants to live an inner life, he must make sure to avoid situations which would make him lose self-awareness, and he should consider it forbidden to enter such situations.

In general, a person must make sure never to lose his daas (awareness) when it comes to the areas of Torah learning and prayer. We need daas in order to learn Torah, and when we daven, we need to be aware that we stand in front of the King. But besides for this, we need to always retain our daas even as we go through various situations of life; we must make sure that we are not engaging in activities that cause us to lose awareness. As long as an activity or experience is extreme and it causes us to lose awareness, we need to stay away from it.

3) Loss of Inner Calmness

There is also another issue with fire-of-water-of-fire: extreme movement causes a person to lose any inner calmness (sheket) which he has acquired until now.

Most people anyways do not have sheket, so they cannot relate to this problem. But there are some people who have reached sheket, which is a great inner treasure that a person has to guard heavily from losing. Extreme movement causes a person to lose his deep, inner sheket. This is because our inner world thrives on this ability to have deep, inner sheket.

The more internal a person has become, the more he has a world of deep and inner sheket within himself. Sheket does not mean that a person doesn’t exert himself in Torah or that he’s lazy and passive. It means that he is truly an “ish menuchah”, “a man of serenity”, and real serenity is not lethargy or laziness, but someone whose actions never take him out of his inner calmness. Even if he temporarily loses his sheket as he’s doing something, if he can quickly return to his sheket, he is greatly in touch with his inner world.

In contrast, the more superficial a person is, he has no sheket. This is why wicked people, who live for the desires of this world, also have no sheket. (Understandably, there is no inner world for them to lose in the first place).

The more inward that a person becomes, the more his life is built on deep, inner sheket. There are levels and levels within sheket, because a person can keep uncovering a deeper inner silence in his life as he grows in this inward space within himself. Sheket is the tool that one needs in order to reach a deep connection with HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

Sheket is also an ability that greatly sharpens and refines one’s mental abilities. It seems that our mental abilities become sharpened and refined only through heavy use of our brain, such as engaging in pilpul (give-and-take discussions on the Gemara)which sharpen our power of understanding in our Torah learning. This is but one of the ways how we can refine our intellect; there is another way which is inner and subtle – the power of deep sheket.

If you look at the sefarim of the Chazon Ish on Shas and Shulchan Aruch, you can see how he reached very refined understandings through great “avanta d’liba” (heart understanding) which he reached through his ability of deep inner silence. As is well-known, the Chazon Ish would lie down in a bed and cover himself with a blanket, and deeply concentrate, where he would produce his amazingly subtle Torah thoughts and conclusions.

Of course, the mind can also be sharpened through pilpul, but pilpul alone will not be the complete picture. Pilpul is but the external part of sharpening the mind. The inner source of comprehension is when there is a deep inner silence in the soul. It is the most subtle area in one’s soul.

Maintaining Inner Calmness

When one is used to living a lifestyle of sheket, he makes sure to avoid things that take away his sheket.

Obviously, this is not referring to any of the 613 mitzvos; one must do all of the mitzvos whether he is calm or not. And a person must do anything that will otherwise endanger a person’s life, even if it causes him to lose his entire inner world. The concept of keeping one’s sheket only applies to matters which are not obligatory. When it comes to those areas, one must only do them if he can keep his sheket; if he will lose his sheket, he should not engage in those acts.

For example, how much chessed should one do each day? Should he devote a tenth of his day to chessed, as the Chasam Sofer said, that one must give “maaser” (a tithe) off his spiritualty for others? Should one do as the Chofetz Chaim, who spent a third of his day doing chessed? It is very hard to know how much chessed exactly one needs to do each day. But based on our discussion here, it is safe to say that as long as doing chessed will not you take you out of your inner calmness, you can engage in such chessed; and if pursuing chessed will make you somewhat anxious, you should not engage in that act of chessed.

We have explained that a dominance of fire-of-water-of-fire causes a person to lose his sheket. Engaging in movements that are extreme and loud is a total antithesis to the concept of sheket.

If a person is superficial, he doesn’t feel this disturbance, because he does not have sheket to begin with. Only in extreme cases would he feel the loss of his sheket; for example, sometimes a person walks into a wedding where the music is so loud that he cannot hear anyone’s voice even if his friend is yelling at him at the top of his lungs. Maybe then it will bother him, but even then, not everyone is bothered by the loss of sheket. But the more a person has become more inward and refined, he is bothered by loud noises and extreme jolts which take him out of sheket, and he will naturally avoid any acts which make him anxious.

So, how should a person go about using fire-of-water-of-fire? Earlier, we addressed how it is used for evil. But even when a person is getting excited for holy reasons, one must know how to go about this properly, or else he becomes thrown out of balance. As long as a person can hold onto his inner calmness when he does something (or if he can at least return to his calmness soon afterwards), he may engage in such an act. If not, he should not involve himself.

As we said, most people do not have sheket, so they don’t feel the disturbance of losing their sheket; they don’t feel like they are losing anything when they go through extreme jolts. But there are people who do have sheket, and they must know how to guard it.

If a person has reached some degree of sheket in his life but he doesn’t know how to protect it, when he goes through a situation where he is taken out of his calmness, what will happen? Any of the ‘noise’ he experienced will be brought into his regular routine. As an example, there are people who find it hard to return to their routine after they have just experienced a personal simcha. It is a dominance of fire-of-water-of-fire, which throws a person out of the routine of life.

There are also people who feel a need to go on a trip every day after completing part of their daily routine. Sometimes this is needed for the health of the soul, because if a person constantly feels a need for relaxation whenever he commits himself to a routine, it might be a sign that his soul is greatly in need of finding inner peace. In other cases, the need for vacations and trip might simply be stemming from a desire to run away from normal life.

So the ideal way to live is, that after one goes through extreme movement, he should return to his sheket and leave all the ‘noise’ he experienced. Whenever fire-of-water-of-fire dominates, we need to return to some degree of sheket afterwards so that we can return to the routine of life.

As for the amount of fire-of-water-of-fire which one may allow himself to enter, this depends on how much sheket a person has reached. In general, the less sheket a person has reached, the more he should avoid extreme situations which awaken fire-of-water-of-fire.

Inner Silence: The Key To A Deep Bond With the Creator

However, even more so, we must know that sheket (inner calmness) is not the final purpose of life. It is a tool to reach something even deeper: a bond with the Creator. The inner world thrives on a kol demamah dakah, a “soft, subtle sound” – a world of inner silence – and from there, a person can reach d’veykus (connection) with Hashem and His Torah.

When a person is superficial, he thinks that d’veykus to Hashem is reached through a passionate davening, and that d’veykus to Torah is achieved through heated and lively arguments with a chavrusa. But the more internal a person becomes, the more he understands that the inner world thrives on the quality of one’s inner silence; because inner silence is the tool that brings a person to a true, precise, and refined bond with Hashem and His Torah. Thus, sheket (inner silence) is not the purpose; it is a step in the process to reach a deep bond with Hashem.

When a person has reached a deeper bond with Hashem from his sheket, he will find that fire-of-water-of-fire not only removes him from sheket, but that it removes him from his chibbur, his deep bond with Hashem [which is enabled through sheket]. If a person feels deeply connected with Hashem from his sheket but he also has a strong dominance of fire-of-water-of-fire, he might feel like he has no place on this world whenever he loses his deep inner silence. He knows and feels very strongly that life is about deep connection to Hashem and His Torah, and when his connection is taken away when he loses his inner silence, he feels like his life is not a life.

Therefore, the more inner a person becomes, he is able to give up much of this world so that he doesn’t lose his sheket and his deep bond with Hashem. The Ramchal writes in Mesillas Yesharim that a person must stay away from anything which distances him from his bond with Hashem. This is all regarding a person who is beginning to become more spiritual. But if a person has become a more inner person and he lives the inner world, he makes a deeper introspection: anything which takes him out of his world is avoided. He disregards anything that takes him away from his inner silence and deep bond with Hashem.

There are even some people who are so strong in their bond with Hashem and Torah that nothing can deter them and take them out of their routine. But most people aren’t as strong as this, and when they lose their sheket, they become very disturbed by it and they feel like they have lost their deep bond with Hashem. As long as a person lives the inner world, he must know how to return to sheket, and on a deeper level, to his inner and silent point of d’veykus with Hashem.

Maintaining Composure (For Those Who Have Reached Deep Inner Silence)

However, as we explained earlier, there will still always be inevitable situations which take us out of regular routine, where we go through extreme movement. We need to learn how to calm ourselves during such situations so that we don’t get thrown around emotionally too much which damage the normal routine of life.

For example, when we go through a simcha, like finding a shidduch, or experiencing the birth of a child, or if an ill child recovers – these are all extremely joyous episodes of our life in which we will usually become very emotional. It can get to the point where the emotional excitement of such situations can completely take us out of routine, and then we find it very hard afterwards to get back into the normal routine of life. What should we do in the aftermath of such situations?

The more inner that a person has become, the more he will be able to take his mind off of the new situation around him, for he can always remain connected to his inner point of calmness (and if he has reached the depth of the calmness, he has reached a deep place of connection with Hashem).

Most people have a hard time doing this, because most are not strongly built in their inner world, so when they become emotional, their emotions overtake them completely. But the more a person has lives with inner calmness, he is not so reactive to new situations of life - even when he hears good news, he knows how to contain himself and he doesn’t get overly emotional.

It is hard to say something like this, but, when Mashiach comes soon and people hear of the news, what will be the reaction of people? Most people will become delirious with excitement. But those who lived in the inner world truly awaited Mashiach, because their entire lives were directed towards this revelation. Therefore, they will not be so reactive to the news, because they don’t ever lose their inner calmness and their deep feeling of connection with Hashem.

Of course, the good news will feel good (as the Sages say, “Good news fattens the bones”), and there can be no better news than the coming of the redemption; but the truly spiritual people at that time won’t become so emotional when they hear the news, because they know how to stay connected to their inner point of calmness - a deep place in oneself where he feels a deep bond with the Creator. This kind of person is able to maintain himself when he hears of new things, even when he hears about Mashiach coming, without losing his inner calmness: his deep bond with Hashem.

Returning To Calmness, Then Returning To Routine

Practically speaking, whenever a person hears or reads news that excites him and it makes him become very emotional, he must try as hard as he can to return to his inner silence, and after he has returned to that calm state, he can then hear the news again, but this time, he hears it from a calmer place in himself.

It is essentially a use of the power of hesech hadaas (removal of the thoughts) from the news or events one had heard about, and to instead concentrate deeply on one’s inner point of silence. The point is not to ignore people who tell you news! The point is to regain your calmness and then listen to the news from a deeper and calmer place in yourself.

As we said, most people cannot relate to this, because most people are not in touch with their innermost point, and certainly not the point that they can disconnect from news and meditate on their inner point.

Therefore, most people, after hearing news or having gone through a very emotional event in life, will need to do the following: One must not immediately return to his normal seder of life, amidst all of the ‘noise’ that has just entered him and still occupies his psyche. Rather, after hearing news or going through a deep emotional experience, the first thing he should do is compose himself, and reconnect to his inner silence as much as he can, by silencing his soul (through concentrating on his inner place of calmness), and only then should he return to the routine of his life.

There is no exact amount of time that can be given for this time to regain self-composure, but the point is that there must be some time where a person silences his soul and then returns to routine.

In summary, there are situations Hashem places us into where we become emotional and we aren’t strong enough to remain with our inner calmness; this is the case with most people, who are not able to remain so connected to their inner point as they go through extreme experiences or emotions. We must make sure not to return to routine right after this, and instead, we should first compose ourselves and calm our soul. After one calms himself, he can then return to the routine of life after having regained his yishuv hadaas.

If one does not do this, he brings in all the noise of the world he hears about into his normal routine of life. It can take a few months to get back one’s calmness if one does not do this. But if one has calmed himself a bit after the ‘noise’ that has entered him, he is able to go back into routine from a calmed place in himself.

In Conclusion

We have explained here that fire-of-water-of-fire is the nature in the soul to jump to emotional extremes, to the point where a person is taken out of the routine of life.

This particular nature of the soul has always been an issue in people’s lives, but in our generation, where extremities are much more common than in previous times, it is a matter which plays a very big role in our life.

Earlier generations also had to deal with fire-of-water-of-fire in their souls, but in today’s generation it is much more dominant, because people today are connected to the world, thus they can see and hear everything that goes on in the world, a constant source of emotional excitement that can take a person out of his routine. So it is a very relevant matter in today’s generation.