Fixing Your Water - 013 Desire For Exertion

Desires Stemming From Wind-of-Water

We will continue with the help of Hashem to discuss the trait of desire, which is rooted in the element of water. Until now, we discussed desires rooted in earth-of-water and water-of-water, as well as their subdivisions.

Now we will discuss desires rooted in wind-of-water. This will subdivide into four branching kinds of desires – earth, water, wind and fire. First we will start with “earth” of wind-of-water.

Water-based desires (water-of-water) are desires that drag a person, and wind-based desires (wind-of-water) are desires that cause movement, as we have explained earlier. Earth-based desires (also within water) are desires that lead toward something lasting and permanent; the person will desire a certain action so that he can have something permanent from it.

1) Earth-of-Wind-of-Water

When a person is moving towards a certain desire so that he can be able to rest afterwards from the action, feeling content from a sense of accomplishment that he has put in all his energy, the desire is coming from the “earth” aspect of wind-of-water.

This power is used for evil when once uses up all his energy in order to be able to be lethargic afterwards, and it is used for holiness when a person exerts himself in Torah study, which uses up one’s energy for holiness.

2) Water-of-Wind-of-Water

Desires stemming from water-of-wind-of-water are when a person desires to move and he enjoys the movement, and he is being dragged towards it.

Examples of this are people who enjoy what they do but they are just being dragged after those actions; they would rather not do it, but they get dragged, for example, when they see someone else doing the same action and they get dragged after their surroundings.

They enjoy the movement involved in whatever they are doing, but it is not the enjoyment factor which is pulling them to do the action; rather, it is the dragging after the surroundings which is causing the person to move after fulfilling the desire.

3) Wind-of-Wind-of-Water

Desires stemming from wind-of-wind-of-water are when a person enjoys it when he keeps moving without pause.

For example, there are people who keep making phone calls non-stop, and it is often community figures who have this problem; there are also people who are always moving around from one action to another. These are people that cannot sit still; they always feel that they have to be active and doing something.

4) Fire-of-Wind-of-Water

Desires stemming from fire-of-wind-of-water is when a person seeks something new or different and he actively pursues it. The enjoyment here is coming from the renewal that he finds in what he is ‘moving’ towards. [This is also known as the trait of chemdah, to covet.]

We have outlined the problems, and now we will go through the solutions to each of them, one by one. [This chapter will explain earth-of-wind-of-water and its solution. The others will be explained in the coming chapters].

Solving Desires Stemming From Earth-of-Wind-of-Water: Using Up All Energy

Desires stemming from earth-of-wind (of-water), as we explained, are a kind of desire in which a person moves and uses his energy so that he can feel like he has movement, and he is active until he has no energy left.

The satisfaction he feels when he is done is what is motivating him to use up his energy. The feeling of permanence he has from it is coming from the nature of earth, which is pulling him (water) and moving him (wind), thus, it is a desire stemming from the “earth” within wind-of-water.

We all have movement, but when do we stop? Normally, any person who is a bit self-aware knows that he needs to move when he has to, when there is a need for it. But there are people who can’t stop moving unless they feel that they have used up all their energy, and only after they are utterly exhausted do they finally stop being active. This is the problem we are discussing here.

To illustrate, there are even people who don’t come home at the end of the day unless they have used up all their energy during the day. This kind of person, when he gets to that point of having no more energy left, feels satisfied when he reaches his limits, and he derives a sense of enjoyment from this.  When he realizes he doesn’t have more energy, he actually enjoys this, and that is his main enjoyment here.

It’s not that he’s enjoying the fact that he’s working hard. [If that would be case, it would be water-of-wind-of-water, because he is mainly in it for the ‘enjoyment’ of working hard]. Rather, his whole enjoyment is when he gets the endpoint of what he’s doing; when he gets to the top of his limits. And when he gets to that peak, it is then that he feels satisfied. So what he is mainly enjoying is not the very work itself, but the fact that he uses up all his energy. This is earth-of-wind-of-water.

The Difference Between Wind-of-Wind and Earth-of-Wind

We need to explain the difference between desires stemming from wind-of-wind and desires stemming from earth-of-wind (which we are discussing here).

Desires stemming from wind-of-wind are when a person desires the very notion of using his energy, and this is the nature of the wind in the soul, which seeks movement.

But desires stemming from earth-of-wind is when a person desires the serenity he will feel when he uses up his energy, therefore, he uses up all his energy so that he can get to that point and enjoy the satisfying feeling of accomplishment. The pleasure he has here is experienced only when he reaches the endpoint of his limitations. So when a person desires movement of this sort, it is coming from earth-of-wind-of-water.

It resembles the nature of earth, which utilizes the potential of the other three elements and activates them. Just as the earth can nurture a seed and enable it to grow when it is given water, air, and sunlight, so does the element of earth in the soul enable the other three elements of water, wind and fire to become utilized to their potential. Earth takes the three elements and allows their potential to become actualized. When a person is seeking to utilize his potential, he is really using earth in his soul.

When this power is used for holiness, it is used to exert oneself in Torah study; one can use up all his energy in order to learn it, and he can enjoy this too. It is very enjoyable when he comes home tired and exhausted from a whole day of learning; he gets into bed feeling very satisfied that he has used all his energy today, that he has utilized the full amount of his potential.

But when this power in a person is used for evil, a person will seek to utilize all his potential when it comes to matters of the physical world, and he will attempt to utilize his potential in all kinds of areas which are detrimental for him to involve himself in.

Balance Between Our Limited Aspect and Our Non-Limited Aspect

There are two opposite powers in the soul – the point of limits in us, and the point of the unlimited. We are limited humans, but at the same time, Hashem breathed into us His own spirit, so there is an unlimited aspect in our soul which comes from Hashem.

Therefore, there is a part in our soul which seeks transcendence over our limits. It is also referred to as the point of “Yosef” in the soul, from the word hosafah, to add, which is also from the word sof, the end. When a person reaches the sof\end of his soul, he wants hosafah - he wants to “add” onto his limits, to go beyond the end of his limits.

To illustrate, the Yam Suf (the Mediterranean Sea)is from the word sof; when the Jewish people came to the Yam Suf, they were at the sof of the land; they had reached an endpoint, for there was no turning back. What did they do? They were told to jump in, to go past the sof. The lesson from this is, when you reach the sof\the end, now you need to go ‘beyond’ the end – now that you have reached the limits, you can now push further and go beyond your regular limits.

The power to use our energy and reach the end of our limits is an ability that can be used for either good or evil. When a person finishes a tractate of Gemara, he has reached the end of something, and the custom is that he makes a festive meal, a siyum. But as we know, one must not remain complacent just because he has achieved and finished something. He must continue to finish more tractates of Gemara, and we mention this in the tefillah we say when we make a siyum, that just as we have finished this tractate, so must we continue to finish even more tractates.

Thus, when one has used up all his energy in something, he must not think that he has truly come to the siyum (end) of his soul’s abilities. He must use the power of his ‘Yosef’ within and seek hosafah – to ‘add’ onto his limits, to seek more spiritual accomplishments.

How To Use Your Energies

Therefore, one should become aware of why he seeks to use up his energy. Earth in the soul is what helps a person reach his limits, while wind in the soul can stir movement and spur on a person to go beyond his normal limits. When earth and wind in the soul are balanced together, they harmonize, and this balance gives a person an understanding that he has limits, and he uses his potential until he has no more energy left. Making use of earth-of-wind in the soul is what helps a person reach the end of one’s movements, and the person enjoys it when he gets to that endpoint.

(To clarify, it is earth-of-wind in the soul, not just earth in the soul. Earth in the soul is just to reach one’s limits, while earth-of-wind in the soul is to give movement to the limits, which can help a person go beyond his limits when he reaches his normal limits.)

Therefore, one must use his earth-of-wind in the soul by knowing that he has limits, so when he reaches the end of his potential, he must now awaken his wind, which is to seek to go beyond his end and try to accomplish even more.

(On a deep note, this is also the depth behind the difference between the wicked and the righteous. A wicked person when he reaches the end of his limits, he remains in his earth, and he enjoys the earth so much that he doesn’t go beyond with it. A tzaddik, when he reaches his ends and limits, he realizes that although he has completed something, he continues even more to accomplish - he goes beyond his sof).

So one must try to recognize himself and try to see the limits of his potential, and in this way, he sees how much earth and wind is involved in his movements. The point is to realize that he doesn’t have to use up all his energy.

Earth in the soul is what enables one to utilize his potential, and this in turn brings one to become still and calm when he is done using his energy. When one reaches his limits, he has menuchah (serenity) from this. However, one has to know how much he can really utilize. If a person lives in the right way, he utilizes his energies in what is needed to be done, but if someone doesn’t know how to use this power, he will seek to utilize his potential in what he wants to do, and not in what is needed for him to do.

When one seeks to utilize his potential in what he wants to do where it’s not needed, he is using earth for evil, and this will tire him out from his energy. This is the meaning of “Torah that wears a person out.” This kind of person uses all his energy, not in what needs to be done, but in what he wants to do, because he’s simply following what he enjoys. He will become too serene.

He uses up all his energy, therefore, he is very serene at night when he goes to sleep, but the next day he is apt to get up whenever he wants, and he misses the time for Kerias Shema and for davening….after all, he feels content from yesterday’s hard work, and now he feels that he can sit back and enjoy that feeling of satisfaction.

The proper way to go about the need for utilizing our potential is to first utilize your spiritual potential, to try to do as much as you can, and this is the secret behind exertion in Torah learning.

One should try to channel all his energy in Torah learning. With regards to material matters, one should utilize his potential in what is needed, not what he wants. If one only seeks to utilize his potential in what is not needed, he falls deep into earth-of-water, which are desires that he feels permanence in.

This is very relevant in Bein HaZemanim, when people are using this ability all the time: when it comes to trips and excursions and various summer activities, people tend to use all their energy, going away on trips that take up the entire day, and then they are exhausted afterwards. People during trips tend to get too caught up in their activities, and they rush through davening quickly so they can continue the trip.

Unfortunately, this behavior has entered the world of Torah too. For some reason, people think they have to use all their energy until they are exhausted, coming back in middle of the morning from these excursions. This power needs to be channeled in the right direction for holiness: exertion in Torah study, until one has used up all his energy.

Physical Exertion In Torah Learning: A Fine Line

However, even in Torah learning, we must know how to exert ourselves properly and not harm ourselves through overexertion. It is an avodah only for certain individuals to exert themselves completely in Torah learning, through their entire body and soul, and most people cannot do it. People burn out after a few days of exertion like this. The body gets weak and then a person loses all his gains, and his very lifestyle becomes extreme too, and he will think he has to use all up his energy when it comes to anything else as well.

Even if a person is physically strong, his soul can’t always handle the extreme exertion. Physical exertion is to learn Torah for as many hours as one can handle and using his mind, and exertion of the soul is when a person has mesirus nefesh (sacrifice) in his learning. In addition, even after all the exertion, it also needs a lot of Heavenly assistance for one to succeed. It is definitely a valid path, but it requires great mesirus nefesh (sacrifice), therefore, it can only apply to rare individuals who are capable of doing this.

So the general remedy is that a person must make sure not to use up all his energy when he’s involved in something. He must learn how to be somewhat happy with himself (someach b’chelko – happy with his portion), along with working hard. He must not do more than what he can naturally do. One must act within his normal limits.

When a person seeks to utilize all of his potential, he won’t succeed.[1] He must instead realize that this is impossible, because if one seeks to use all his potential, that means he is acting above his limits, which is detrimental. This realization calms the soul.

Of course, we must seek always truth, but we must also realize at the same time that we cannot utilize all of our powers. This realization balances out our soul and helps us act in our service to Hashem in a more balanced, productive manner.