Bilvavi Part 2 - Chapter 12 I am Prayer

 "If Only a Person Would Pray all Day Long"

At the end of the previous chapter, we presented a fundamental principle concerning the way of avodah:  one must speak to Hashem in the second person, not in the third person.  This is one of the most fundamental concepts: that one must live with Hashem, and not deal with Him from a distance, chas veshalom.

Now, with Hashem's help, we will discuss the idea of tefillah (prayer).  The true way of tefillah is as David HaMelech said of himself, "And I am tefillah" (Tehillim 109:4).  His entire being, his entire life, from beginning to end, and his whole source of vitality was tefillah!

That is to say, beyond the three prayers that Chazal have established to say each day, the proper approach is "If only a person would pray all day long" (Berachos 21a).

What does this mean?  Above, we mentioned that Hashem is next to a person, and we spoke of Divine Providence, but we did not include the principle of tefillah.  We stated that one must recognize Hashem's presence and His Providence, but in fact, every challenge in one's avodah, every spiritual attainment, must be joined with tefillah, as we will describe.

We stated above that a person must recognize Hashem's precise Providence; for example, a person moves his hand.  He then asks himself, "Who moved it?  With my physical eyes, it seems as if I moved it, but I know, Master of the World, that the One Who is truly moving my hand is You, and no one else!  "No one bangs his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above." 

Here, there is the additional aspect of tefillah.  A person stands and says to Hashem, "Intellectually, I know that You guide "the palace," that You move my hand, but my feelings tell me that a person controls himself.  I ask of You, Hashem, that my intellectual knowledge should influence my heart so that it, too, will really feel this idea!"

In other words, besides the infusion of the awareness of Hashem's Providence, one must join the aspect of tefillah.  One feels the contradiction between mind and heart, and he wants to instill a real feeling about the matter, so he must add a tefillah and entreat Hashem, "Master of the World, if You don't help me to feel Your Providence, all the effort in the world will not help!  I can only make some ‘lower awakening,' but the main success comes from striving and finding (the gift), meaning that You will help me attain this level in my heart."

And so, one must speak to Hashem in the second person.  Such words bring one to the state of "And I am prayer."

So that one's prayer should be proper, during the daily contemplation, he should consider the basic and simple concept of prayer:  "And the vegetation of the field was not yet on the land, and the grass of the field had not yet sprouted, for Hashem had not yet sent rain, and man was not there to work the land" (Bereishis 2:5).  Rashi explains, "Why was there no rain?  Because man was not there to work the land.  There was no one to recognize the value of the rain, but when Adam came and knew that rain was needed for the world, he prayed, and rain fell, and the trees and vegetation sprouted."  Here we see the well-known principle, that anything one seeks, be it material or spiritual, must be attained with prayer.  Without prayer, one cannot achieve anything!

When one is working on this point, he stops and says before Hashem, "Master of the World, I see that even one who does not observe Torah and mitzvos receives blessing from You.  It seems, then, that one can receive blessing even without prayer.  On the other hand, I believe the words of Chazal who said that prayer is needed for any blessing.  Master of the World, I pray that my faith in the words of Chazal will be true and whole, and that although my eyes of flesh and blood cannot see this truth, I will have the privilege to believe in it completely."

Certainly, this is a need to clarify this intellectually and perhaps at length, but one still must pray to have the emunah that nothing can be achieved without tefillah. This itself requires tefillah.

As long as one believes that tefillah is only needed to grant aid from Above - in other words, he just wants some help, but he feels that essentially, it's up to him and he can take care of himself and get what he needs, he doesn't realize the nature of tefillah, and he naturally will not feel that tefillah is that valuable and important.  If one really wants to attain the level of tefillah, he must attain the sense in his heart that without tefillah, he can achieve nothing!

One must really contemplate this point, and review it again and again.  He must speak to Hashem and say to Him, "I know that if I don't pray, I won't achieve anything.  I don't feel it so much, but it is clear to me in my mind.  I ask You: help me to feel the importance and need for tefillah, and to live accordingly."  He should say this to himself time after time, until he feels in his soul that in fact, without prayer, nothing can be attained.

Nothing can be Attained without Tefillah

We have learned, then, that there are two aspects to tefillah.  First of all, tefillah demands avodah of its own. In other words, in order to reach the level where the tefillah will really be true and come from the depths of the soul, one must strive and recognize that without tefillah, nothing can be attained.  One must work on this a great deal, until the soul feels that without tefillah, nothing can be attained.

The second point is that tefillah encompasses all avodah.  There is no aspect that does not require tefillah first.  If a person wants a livelihood, he must pray; if he wants to get married, he must pray; and if he wants children, he must pray for that as well.  This is all with material concerns, but the main need is when one seeks spiritual attainments: in every aspect of avodah, if one really wants to attain a level, he must join tefillah to his efforts.

We will provide some other examples in order to make this concept more realistic, but the principle remains one:  when people live without tefillah, the fourth leg of the chariot is missing.  David HaMelech, who embodied "I am prayer," is the means for achieving each thing.  Avraham Avinu represents the attribute of love.  One who wishes to attain love for the Creator must cleave to the attribute of Avraham.  Yitzchak is the attribute of fear, and Yaakov is the attribute of compassion.  The Torah commands us to cleave to Hashem's attributes: "As He is compassionate, so shall you be compassionate" (Maseches Sofrim 3:12).

But if we do not join tefillah to all of this, these attributes will have no permanence.  As long as there is no proper prayer in the world, whether it is in the world as a whole, or in its smaller aspects, we cannot merit redemption.  Only when redemption is joined with prayer (geulah next to tefillah) can redemption come.

There can be no true acquisition without tefillah, and if one imagines that he has attained something without praying for it, it must have come from the world of illusions.  One must understand that he and tefillah are inseparable.  Tefillah is not merely an important detail, a nice thing that ought to be attained.  It is vital, and nothing can be acquired without it!

What is an example of this?  A person approaches a store and asks for a bottle of a drink.  The storekeeper takes a bottle out of the refrigerator and hands it to him.  Then, as the storekeeper is stretching out his hand and giving the bottle to the customer, the customer pulls back his hand and the bottle falls to the ground...

Tefillah is like a hand; it is a receptacle.  If there is no hand to receive, no matter how many bottles the storekeeper offers, the customer will not be able to take them from him.  All the bottles will fall and shatter, and he will have nothing to drink.

Tefillah applies to every aspect of our avodah, to whatever you want to attain: love of Hashem, fear of Hashem, compassion, Torah study, mitzvos, etc.  All these must be preceded by tefillah.

When we begin our day, Chazal hakedoshim have ordained that we must pray.  It says (Tehillim, 72:5), "They shall fear You when the sun rises."  Tefillah is needed at the point of transition from darkness to light.  To have the ability to learn Torah properly throughout the day and perform mitzvos, the day must begin with the process of tefillah.  The beginning of the day will then extend throughout the day.

If the entire day is under the effect of tefillah, the Torah can last, the mitzvos can last, and everything else accomplished throughout the day can last.  But if the beginning is not with prayer, but one chas veshalom tries to cleave to Hashem without even praying to Him, he is like the person in the previous example with the storekeeper, the customer, and the bottle.

Tefillah with Tefillah, not with a Sense of Separateness

One must attain the habit of uttering words of tefillah to Hashem throughout the day, in second person.  For example, he wakes up in the morning, leaves his house, and goes to pray.  If Chazal say that nothing can be attained without prayer, then even prayer must need prayer.  If so, he must pray to Hashem before his tefillah that he will be able to pray properly - that he will have peace of mind without distractions from the outside or from the surrounding people, or distractions from the inside, such as troubles in the heart and mind.

He will turn then to the Creator and say to Him, "Master of the World, I wish to pray to You.  I know that I need to pray and that tefillah is the main force that affects the day.  But I also know that if You don't assist me in my prayer, I won't even be able to pray.  Please, Hashem, help me so that my prayer will be done properly, that I will be able to focus correctly, etc."

(One might ask, "If prayer is indeed needed to attain anything, from where does one have the ability to articulate that first tefillah?"  This is a good question, and there is much to be said about this, but we will briefly mention that the initial prayer is from the soul, not from the brain.  But here is not the place to elaborate.)

Everyone wants to say pesukei dezimra (verses of song said toward the beginning of the morning prayers) as they should be said, and to reach the Shemoneh Esreh ("the eighteen blessings") - the main part of the prayer - without being distracted by other kinds of thoughts.  Naturally, a person will struggle against such thoughts time and again, but it doesn't help.

However, our avodah must be totally different.  Since a person knows that he prayed yesterday and the day before, and each time, distracting thoughts came to him, he must stop himself before prayer and request of Hashem, "Master of the World, I ask You: I have been trying for days and years to pray properly, but there are always distractions.  I personally don't want distractions.  Please help me by removing them, and help me to truly have proper intent in my prayer."

If the tefillah is not preceded by a tefillah, the main tefillah will also not be a real prayer, as it will be lacking its inner essence, and it will only be superficial.  Prayer must generate the main prayer, so that the prayer will not be with a sense of separateness from Hashem.

Tefillah for Every Detail

That was one example, but this attitude must be expressed throughout the entire day.  When a person concludes his tefillah and turns to the work of his day, he must pray for each act he is about to do.

If he is about to eat breakfast, he should pray to be able to eat properly, which means that while eating, he will not be engrossed in the food, but will be engrossed in spirituality, such as Torah and the love of Hashem.  If one goes to learn Torah, he should pray for the merit to understand it properly.  If he is on his way to work, he should pray to be saved from disturbances, such as forbidden sights.

As long as one is alive in this world, he must take this method and develop it.  For example, if one is working to attain the awareness of Hashem, and for half an hour, he totally forgets about it, and then remembers afterwards, he should turn to Hashem, and say to Him, "I know You are here, but I keep forgetting it.  Help me, Hashem, to remember this important principle for longer periods of time, and to have a deeper remembrance of it."

Another example: One may be developing his faith in Divine Providence.  He should contemplate various matters, and say, "Please, give me the privilege to have the kind of faith in You that will be truly take root in me!"

There are many details, but there is only one underlying point: When a person lives with the truth, he should not let ten minutes pass without some kind of prayer.  This is literal, with no exaggeration!  Of course, there is a long road needed until one reaches that level, but nonetheless, the true way of life is for one to always have the company of Hashem.  Of course, there will be intermittent periods of forgetting, but they will be followed by remembrance.

There are high levels achieved by the great people in history, who embodied (as said in the prayers of Rosh HaShanah), "Happy is the man who does not forget You," but only the precious few can live without ever forgetting.  The average person must yearn to orient himself and the direction of his life toward feeling that companionship can only be found with Hashem.

There is a well-known Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 14:9):  "Said R' Levi in the name of R' Chaninah, ‘One must praise Hashem for each breath he takes, as it says (Tehillim 150:6), "The whole soul (neshamah) will praise Hashem," meaning that we must praise Him for each breath (neshimah).'"

The second step is where one praises Hashem, but first of all, there must be clear remembrance that one's very life comes only from Hashem.  Naturally, if a person lives this way, he will reach a condition in which Hashem guides him each moment.  The common thread of each moment of his life will be the element of tefillah.

This avodah does not necessarily require an hour; it can be less than that, for each person according to his level.  In a few minutes, one can pray to Hashem and ask, "Help me to not forget You, to feel that You are here, and to love You, etc."  Each person should fine the appropriate aspect, but the main idea is that from the beginning until the end of the day, one should be tied to His Creator.

These ideas that we have mentioned require steps, one above the other, but the process is one:  to bring a person to the state where he can directly address Hashem and pray to Him.  The real purpose is not that which is requested, such as children or a livelihood, or even spirituality!  Of course, we need spirituality, but Hashem can bestow it even without our tefillah.  Necessarily, then, the tefillah has a goal of its own.  Besides that it bestows spiritual and material blessings, its main purpose is a bond with Hashem!  "Tefillah" is related to the phrase "Naftulei Elokim Niftalti (I have been bound with bonds of G-d)," and we know from the sacred works that tefillah is the main thing for connecting one with his Creator. 

One must always strive to speak to Hashem in the second person, and yet know that He is a "hidden G-d," because He is infinite and incomprehensible.  This is the proper way: on a basic level, live with the feeling that You can relate to Him, but know deep down that He is hidden and concealed. 

In summary, to reach the goal of tefillah, which is emunah and "Naftulei Elokim Niftalti" (attachment to Hashem), one must fulfill these two conditions: 1) the tefillah must exist at all times, each person as much as he can. 2) the tefillah must be stated in the second person, so that one is with Hashem at the time.

Certainly, when one is learning Torah, he cannot pray each moment, because them he would not be able to learn.  However, the sacred works write that even when learning, when one cannot understand something, he should pray to Hashem for help in understanding.  Once he has the privilege to understand it, he should say to Hashem, "Thank You for giving me the privilege to understand, and now I ask You for help me to continue to understand."  In this way, he will give thanks for the past and make a request for the future.

Thus, the learning itself will be saturated with the process of tefillah.  If Torah is not joined with prayer, there is chas veshalom a spiritual separation (mekatzetz bin'ti'os-lit. "chopping down the trees").  The Chazon Ish writes that Torah and tefillah are to be in perfect unity.  If there is one without the other, one is completely separate from Hashem!  Of course, on some level, there is a connection, but it is not present in one's inner essence, and there is no real attachment!

Of course, to attain attachment, love is required, and with Hashem's help, we will elaborate on that in the following chapters, but we must know that tefillah in one's life is a process that can take years of effort, and then, we can attain it truly in the soul, with the help of Hashem.