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The forty days from the beginning of Elul until Yom Kippur are known as "Days of Ratzon" - appeasement, satisfaction, desire. On the simple level this means that G-d is well-disposed towards us during this time frame, which has always been a period set aside for repentance.
However, in a deeper sense, these are days during which it is our job to develop our own ratzon - our satisfaction with and desire for holiness.
Do We Really Want To Be Jews
Am Yisrael stood together at the foot of Har Sinai and received the Torah. Did they want to accept the Torah, or not?
True, they said "We will do and we will listen" - but on the other hand we are told that G-d forced the Torah upon them ("He upturned the mountain over them like a vessel").
Let us imagine that we can go back in a time machine, and think about this question as if we ourselves were there. We are told that in a few days we will hear G-d, commanding us His Law. Do we want to accept the Torah? Or not?
Do you think it's such a simple matter? It's true that we would all be ashamed to say "No" - but that doesn't mean that the answer is "Yes". Is it really clear to us that we want to accept the Torah?
There is a very deep story told by Rabbi Ezriel Tauber sh'lita, about a boy who learned in yeshiva just like everyone else. One day a doubt arose about whether he was actually Jewish. His parents were from some out-of-the-way place, nobody really knew them. The father was known to be Jewish for sure, but there was some doubt about the mother's Jewishness, and so, by extension, about her son's being Jewish.
The young man went to his Rosh Yeshiva and asked him what he should do. The Rosh Yeshiva told him that since there was some doubt, he should undergo formal conversion. The boy listened thoughtfully to what his Rosh Yeshiva said, did some more thorough research on his mother's Jewishness, and found out in the end that there was really no doubt at all: she - and he - were definitely not Jewish.
Now the young man thought to himself, "Who says it's worth it for me to become Jewish?" - and he decided not to! Until that day he had learned in yeshiva like everyone else, but when he found out that he wasn't Jewish he decided that he's not interested in bringing himself under the yoke of Torah and mitzvos.
Now, let us attempt to imagine ourselves in the same situation. If we would find out that we aren't really Jewish. The door is open, though, and anyone who wants to may convert. Would we do it?
The question can be phrased more specifically: Certainly not? Maybe not? If maybe, what percentage yes and what percentage not?
Even someone who would choose to become Jewish, let's examine our feelings even further: Let's say that G-d would suggest a compromise - out of the 613 mitzvos, choose for yourself ten mitzvos that you want. If you want you can choose all 613, but at least 10. How many would we choose? Which ones?
Do we really want to keep all 613 mitzvos or are we doing it by force
After all, every one of us has some difficulties keeping the mitzvos; one person has a hard time keeping Shabbos 100% according to the book, someone else has a hard time with shemiras haloshon, and so on. Even if a person arrives at the conclusion that he really does want to be Jewish, still - does he really want all 613 mitzvos? Perhaps he feels that a percentage of them would be enough for him
Now let's think about this for a while. A person who arrives at the conclusion that if only he had the possibility, he would give away his obligation to keep the mitzvos - such a person is truly unfortunate. All his life he lives the way he does because "there's no other choice", "what can he do about it", "min hashamayim" this lifestyle was decreed upon him! Some people are born lame, some are born blind, and some... are born Jewish! What can you do? A non-Jew can do whatever he wants except for just seven "mitzvos b'nei Noach", whereas the life of the Jew is difficult and complicated...
We don't mean to say for a minute that a person's obligation to keep mitzvos depends on his wanting to. "A Jew is a Jew even if he sins." It makes no difference whether he wants to or not, he must be a Jew. But is this "question of questions" not relevant to us? The fact that we are Jews, is that really what we want?
This is a question that's so simple, so essential, and a person needs to think about it, really, deeply, not just from the lips and outwards, and arrive at his own conclusion. If he arrives at the conclusion that he would really rather not be Jewish - then he needs to begin his new path to being Jewish from the ground up. If he arrives at the conclusion that he does want to be Jewish, still he needs to check which parts of Judaism he really wants, and which parts - not, and begin his new path from there.
The work of these "Days of Ratzon" is for us to develop within ourselves a true desire to be Jews!
The Choice is Ours - Whether to Want
We are all accustomed to a certain cycle of life: Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Succos, Chanuka, Purim, Pesach, Shavuos, Tisha B'Av, and back again to the beginning.
Was it always this way? Before the Jews left Egypt, were these holidays in place? The only thing that always existed was Shabbos, but it was a world without the familiar holiday cycle.
Our forefathers, Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov, didn't have Pesach, Shavuos or Succos. True, they could keep the entire Torah without being commanded to, but there were no holidays as we know them, they couldn't say "a remembrance of the exodus from Egypt" during Kiddush, because the children of Israel had not yet left Egypt, or even gone into it in the first place for that matter!
Now, let's stop a moment and think. If we could be born into a world with the holiday cycle or without it, into the time before they existed, which would we prefer? Do we really want this year cycle that includes the holidays, or maybe not?
Let's try for a moment to get off the merry-go-round of life and check whether this is a life that is forced upon us or whether we really want it.
This is a basic question of the soul: Are we living as we want to, or is most of our entire life the way it is simply because nobody asks us and nobody is interested in what we want, and whether we want it or not, it's going to happen.
We are all part of Am Yisrael, whether we want to be or not. The only choice that is ours is whether or not we really want it.
The question is not that if we don't want it we can change anything; we indeed cannot. The thing we can change, though, is whether we want this package or whether it is to remain a package that comes upon us against our will.
Looking Forward to Rosh Hashana
These days are called "Days of Ratzon" because that's what it's all about - wanting! A non-Jew who realizes the basic fact that he is to be judged, doesn't look forward to Rosh Hashana. He doesn't want to be judged, no being judged would make things easier for him.
But a Jew can look forward to Rosh Hashana. There is one time in the year that each individual Jew from among all of Am Yisrael, regardless of his level of piety, is called up to come before the Creator. When? On Rosh Hashana. "All the inhabitants of the world pass before Him in single file like sheep." They all go in to be judged, and the Judge is none other than G-d Himself.
The most unique and special thing about Rosh Hashana is the very fact that every Jew has a connection with G-d, Who looks down at him, checks him out, and takes interest in what he does
Imagine for yourself that you owned a few acres of land somewhere, containing within it a few thousand ants. Would it interest you what each ant was doing? Not at all. The ant can die, the ant can live, there can be a few hundred less or a few hundred more - who cares?
Logically, should it really concern or interest the Creator of the universe, who we are and what we are, just another small creature within the vastness of the entire creation? Imagine it were a person, who owned the world. He has 5½ billion human beings. Would it matter to him that there is some Jew living somewhere in Canada? Does the Creator of the world really take any interest in us and in what we do?
The fact is that He does judge us - in other words, he takes a keen interest in every detail of our lives. Our lives, every thing that a person does 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every moment - it interests Him. We must be pretty important in His eyes.
Does this make anyone happy
If it does, such a person will certainly look forward to Rosh Hashana. It's then that he receives the greatest distinction: I am being judged on 365 days, 24 hours a day, 60 minutes in an hour, what I have done. They will not skip even a single second. All the deeds of people, all open and known before Him, nothing is hidden from Him.
For a person who is looking for this kind of connection, Rosh Hashana holds very great interest. However, a person who looks upon Rosh Hashana as one looks upon a court of law, the kind every city has downtown - such a person will of course not look forward to Rosh Hashana. Have you ever known of someone who looks forward to his day of judgment in court?
The first thing about which we will be judged, is whether we looked forward to this day, or whether we fell into it because we had no choice. A person goes on a sea voyage, there's a terrible storm and he falls in. Now he tries to save himself. He certainly didn't want to fall into the sea. After he fell in - he tries to save himself.
Have we fallen into Rosh Hashana because we have no choice, or do we count the days to it, unable to wait a minute longer till the wonderful day will arrive?
If a person does not look forward, we could say in other words: the day known as Rosh Hashana has been forced upon him. He arrives at the judgment sad, nervous, with no smile on his face, and just as he appears, the Creator also shows him back the same kind of face, as it were.
This is the day when we declare the Creator to be the supreme king. He directs every point in a person's life, cares about every detail. Is the person interested in this kind of connection? Or would the person prefer that He doesn't enter into his private life, doesn't know what he does, as it were.
It's a new year, we can turn a new page, in which a person is ready to be transparent with the Creator 24 hours a day, seven days a week - not only ready, but rejoicing about it, that G-d Himself is a full partner in every part of his life.
This is the depth of why "declaring G-d to be king" is connected to the "day of judgment". We declare Him to be king over every detail of our lives, and we are judged as to whether or not we do just that.
Our Job is to Want
Truthfully, most people do not think about this. They live another day, and another day, and, as everyone knows, one day life ceases. But life in its true inner depth is the life of "You chose us from among all the nations", and just like You chose us, we choose You. It's a choice, a choice each one of us must make within himself.
The difference it makes is clear: a person who chooses willingly to keep the mitzvos: in the first place, he will keep them, and in addition he will do so with more joy, and thereby connect himself more and more with the Creator. The person who does not choose this, it will be difficult for him to keep the mitzvos, and all the more so to be happy with this role.
Stopping to Think
Let us conclude this discussion with one simple resolution that will be a proper preparation for Rosh Hashana and all the High Holy Days. Take five minutes a day to stop everything and think: "Just a minute, what am I living for? I know I'm a Jew and I feel that I'm living for G-d. But is this really what I want? If so - I need to work to make the things I do all day long align with that desire."
If we don't stop everything, and do this little bit of contemplation, advancement will not occur all by itself. Nothing grows all by itself except weeds!
Please - let's stop everything once in a while for a few minutes, to think about who we are, what we are, why we came into the world, what is our goal in life. Then, once we've clarified to ourselves what our true goal is, let us attempt to check whether it's something we want, or whether it is that way against our will; and then try to align our lives with the true conclusions that we have come to.
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